Blast From the Past

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Badge Flashers

I attended a public order incident a while back in town one night with a load of other officers. It was not clear what had gone on but there had been some sort of fight. Whilst talking to someone I got interupted by some young lad who insisted he spoke to me. I asked him politely to wait one second. He then said "no, I need to talk now" and produced his Metropolitan Police warrant card. Why??

I asked him what his point was by showing me it. He went on to demand that something be done. We had no complainants, and no witnesses it seemed. However, this wasnt good enough for this officer. He wanted people arrested as it was his mate who got hit. He didnt see it happen though but demanded people got arrested.

"We cant do that sir"
"Why not? You should, you have to"
A very experienced regular officer twice this lads age got wound up by his attitude. "We are not going to do that unless someone makes a complaint and identifys an offender"

Matey boy from the met started to then slag off my police force stating "Your idiots, your doing it all wrong, you should be doing it like......................."

I dont know what happened with him as I got fed up with his attitude and there were far more pressing issues at hand.

I was discussing with someone what would they do if they had pulled over a driver for an offence such as no seatbelt or talking on phone, and if the driver "flashed their badge" to get away with it.
Does seem an interesting issue. I am not sure what I would do but hell, I would never dream of doing such a thing - but have heard storys of officers (regular officers) doing this. I reckon if a special were to do this then the officer they do this to would more than likely report them!

So - there are a few types of badge flashers. Those who seek to impose their "authority" upon others (such as Mr Met) and those who think its a get away with a fine clause.

Has anyone come across any of these and what did you/they do about it?

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The Mayor

I recently ran into the Mayor of Scroatsville! No, not the real one, but some chav girl with gold that Mr T would be proud of! She was about 17 years old, two kids in tow in a popular high street clothing shop.

One of the kids wasnt walking enough so what happened?

Normal Person: "come on William, we are going to get you some nice clothes!"

Lady Chav: "For fuck sake Gary, get a fucking move on, I got to get myself some clothes for later you inconsiderate little shit"

This approach from Lady Chav causes the kid to start crying. For the sake of this, we will talk about what happens if both Lady Chav, and normal persons kids are crying.

Normal Person: "Oh dont cry William, we will be going home soon once we have got your clothes" *kid stops crying*

Lady Chav: "For fuck sake your pissing me off now *smacks child* oh stop bloody crying *forces child to sit up very harshly* fine then you little shit, cry, you wont get a Mc Donalds now" *kid carries on crying even more*

Two totally different approaches. This 17/18 year old girl clearly has no concept of being a mother (sadly we can not tell people that).
Sometimes we wonder why kids thesedays are little shits who dont care about anything - with mothers like this its no suprise really is it.

What makes it even more sad is the fact that there are decent people in this country whoc try for babys and dont have sucess/sadly lose them, yet there are people like "Lady Chav" who drop them every 9 months.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

You Idiot

"Your under arrest for being an idiot"

Not something you hear everyday!
So its just before shift changeover and there is a problem at a local pub. There are people inside who are very drunk and refusing to leave. All free officers from lates and all the night officers turn up just incase something happens. Luckily we have a mans best friend also on the scene - a very very angry (and hungry!) looking dog!

The dog works wonders, makes people leave. Job done!
Or is it?

One bloke deciding to be the brave "I know my rights" type (also drunk) decides to come back across the road and challenge some boring crap which nobody gave a shit about. He got asked nicely to leave by "Rob" (not real name obviously!). He got in mine and Robs face, so I push him back and he is still going on. At this point Rob has had just about enough of him so grabs him and throws him against the van (as he is becoming a bit violent). Myself and Fiona (not real name again!) hold the idiot against the van whilst Rob sprays him.

Fiona gets some of the spray on her and whines about it for the rest of the night, even more so when I take the piss as she got some more in her eyes from her hands several more times during the night!!

The idiot is then grounded to the floor and several officers bundle on him to put the cuffs on him.

Very serious moment this is as he is kicking off a bit, when all of a sudden, Rob kneels down and says "Right mate, your under arrest for being an idiot". This causes most of the officers to laugh and lightens the moment. The idiot is then tossed in the back of the van after putting up some resistance. Bye bye matey boy!

Apparently, according to Rob, being an Idiot now comes under the public order act whch is fantastic. Should be used much much more, that way, we are far more likely to get sanctioned detections as most of the population of Scroatsville are idiots!

(Just like to add that the offender was properly arrested for an actual offence and cautioned!)

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Uh Oh!

Yet another police blog is under scrutiny from PSD. How many blogs have dissapeared since I started a few months back?? I get the feeling that I could be one of the next ones. Why is it Brunstrom (The Chief of North Wales) is allowed a blog on the internet, yet everyone else is not? I do wonder if I came out as saying I was from this force whether PSD would shut down my blog or not based on the grounds that my boss does?

One for you to all ponder

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Scroatsville vs Greatsville

Any town will have a nice part, and a shit part. My town is 99% shit! (ok, its not really that bad!)

5 Things that tell you your in Scroatsville:

The Smell
- The Most obvious one- there is a distinct smell in the air. Maybe its just from the local takeaway shop? Maybe its the locals who dont know what a shower is?

The Houses - They are in a poor state, usually (Thanks Midlands PC for the suggestion!) a sofa, or fridge in the front garden leaning up against their old Ford Escort, if they have a driveway, which is rare, its usually a jungle of weeds which David Attenborough could film a documentory on.

The Locals - They all seem to wear baseball caps and have big ears. They have odd names such as "Big D" or "Snoop Cat" or other such strange names. They also have a limited vocabulary.

Your Collegue - You have one. Its not often your double crewed (the bosses like to have single crewed cars so it looks like there are more officers about!) However, in Scroatsville, you dont go in on your own!

and lastly

The Brick - This is an object which usually ends up through one of your car windows, usually the side one as it requires minimal effort. Occasionally you may even get your tyres slashed.

5 Things that tell you your in Greatsville:

The Smell - There isnt one. If there is, its pleasant. Its an outdoors smell! A Nice smell!

The Houses - They are immaculate. No G reg old Ford outside here! If there is, its usually the cleaners! Usually Range Rover, BMW X5s etc that sort of vehicle is parked on the driveway, that is before its put into its garage for the night!

The Locals - They smile at you, but on the same note are also curious as to your presence. What has happened? Someone must have been hurt, or being harrassed. Criminals dont live here so its not going to be a raid or anything! Ofcourse, many of the locals are away during the day doing something called "work", a concept not accepted in Scroatesville!

Your Collegue - Your collegue has come to "back you up" at the intruder alarm for no other reason to have a nose at peoples houses and inside as they "check for intruders" (Who else has been in this situation then!!)

Jelousy - You get jelous and think to yourself "when will I get to live here"

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

What George and Tony....

....Dont want you to see!

Never realised they got on quite so well!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

An Idiots Guide To ...

Making the most of England! This will be a controversial post!

Step One: Dont have a job. Having a job means that you might have to get up early and actually do stuff which you may not want to do. It also means that you cant just get drunk and have to abide by someone elses rules.

Step Two: If you are female, get pregnant. This will open up a whole range of new options not available to you before, nor available to blokes. This will be discussed later.

Step Three: Accidently slip on purpose somewhere. This will enable you to get compensation so you can go on that holiday to Magaluf.

Once Steps One and Two (Step Three is optional) have been completed, you can now advance to the next level. You already have the NHS there to look after you so take full advantage of that.

If your pregnant and dont have a job, go to the council and demand a flat, or even a house depending on how many kids you want. With this done, you can now also claim even more in child support benefits, so the more kids - the more benefits! Simple! If your able to remember who the father is of the child (which one??) then he will have to pay some money in child support too. The only problem you might face is after all, you eat a can of beans but you never know which one made you fart.

So now you have a nice flat, several kids (named after football clubs or whatever the trend is now) you can now use all these government benefits to purchase things such as huge TV's, Sky + and loads of other stuff which most working people do not have.

The amount of council houses I have been in where nobody has a job, yet they have brand new equipment, DVD's etc etc is unbelievable. So take full advantage!

If you cant be bothered to go through all these steps, simply commit a criminal offence which will send you to prison - things seem to be alright there these days! Roof over your head, rent free I might add! TV, games, everything you need really! Ofcourse the government pays for this too!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Sacked For Chasing Criminals

So, soon you can get sacked for chasing criminals according to the Daily Mail. The reason for this?? You have guessed it! Health and Safety! Apparently chasing suspects across railway lines and roads might lead to an injury - not of the officer but the criminal. Is this yet another right on the "criminals charter"?

This is pretty much related to my hypothesis a while back! So you dont chase, you get critisised for missing out on that great thing that is a sanctioned detection, but if you chase then you can get sacked!

Quite what the home office thinks a police foot chase is like I dont know. Perhaps they think it is like this. If only it were, would definitly make a chase more fun, and also mean that you wont have to go to the gym so often.

I did hear that in the pipeline for other future "health and safety" things being brought in include:

*having a case files "staple" protruding more than 1 mm from the paper, thus likely to result in an injury
*using pens incase officers accidently swallow the lid, or even worse, an offender grabbing a pen off you and attempting to swallow the lid
*batons are to have lights on the end of them to warn people where the end of it is, just incase of an injury.

Dont we just love the home office!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Parking Ticket PC

Have a read of this story.

As much as traffic wardens are a pain in the arse (well, ok, not all of them are like a *insert huge american bird name here* to a corpse) how many of you would do this?

I have had a parking ticket but wouldnt dream of doing this! None the less, this PC obviously wasnt too happy with getting a ticket!

I am surprised this story was not turned into an anti police story saying how it was happening across the country as institutionalized grievance against traffic wardens!

What do you think then? Would you do the same? Or would you just fork out the money and not make an ass of yourself?

Sergeant Says

New blog for you to all read!

Sergeant Says!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Rank Structure

In the Specials there is a "rank structure". I use the term rank in the loosest of terms as it is more of an administrative term given to a special.
Some forces have given their specials the following...

Special Constable
Section Officer
Division/Area Officer
Chief Officer

(obviously terms alter from force to force)

Some forces have adopted the following one:

Special Constable
Special Sergeant
Special Inspector
Special Chief Officer.

Now my force is using the second one.
But what do these "Specials Sergeants" actually do? Do they really have any authority.
I pity and fear the day where some big headed power crazed specials sergeant attempts to give orders to a regular officer on the pretence that they are "superior" in some way. Luckily it wont happen in Scroatsville!
Having attempted to find out what some "Specials Sergeants" actually do and how easy it is to to get the role, I thought I would apply and find out what feedback I would get and information on the role.

So there is no test of any kind - so unlike a regular sergeant, you do not gain this title through any skills/test you have passed.
Your application goes to senior specials (so Specials inspector and chief officer). Therefore, arselicking your line manager will get you a promotion just like as a regular - so 1-1 to each side.

As a specials sergeant, you can expect no increase of allowences of any sort - shame really for the extra effort they put in! One point to regular supervision.

As a regular sergeant, you can avoid paperwork by getting someone on your team to do it (not that they would do that!) However, as a special, you will be told to "piss off" and "learn to do it" which isnt all that good!

So final score is Specials Supervision 1, Regular supervision 3 (I think)

Finally - this post is not a moan about specials as the specials sergeants I know do a fantastic job and take on the extra work load very well.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Ding Dong

Recently it seems that Lennie Briscoe has vanished! Does anyone know where he is? Perhaps he has had a big red key to his house door closely followed by men in suits from PSD?
All you consipracy theorists, feel free to let me know your theorys true or false of his whereabouts as I quite miss his blog!

On another note I am going to try and update my blog more often in a vain attempt to get more readers, or just to keep interest going before like many blogs - it dissapears!

As always, if anyone has any ideas for me to write about, questions about being a special, or anything else just post a comment or email me at

Sunday, September 03, 2006


Thanks or Apologies to PC Bloggs who has inspired/caused me to think about a hypothesis.

Its called "Damned if we do, Damned if we Dont".

There are many examples of this, which I need not bother going into as im sure we all know what they are, but I shall make some hypothetical ones up to illustrate my point!

PC Smith is called to reports of a man acting supiciously possibly armed. PC Smith is an armed officer by the way. He tells the man to put the take his hands out of his pockets and place them on his head. He refuses after being told many times and having a gun pointed at him. He then pulls his hands out his pockets very fast towards PC Smith. PC Smith shoots the man. The man dies. The police get a slating for this "unprovoked killing"

Ok lets change the scenario a bit. Same thing happens but PC Smith does not shoot, and gets shot dead by the man who then kills some other people (yes over the top but hey). The police are slated for not doing anything to prevent this crazed man from going on a "killing spree".

Hence the damned if we do, damned if we dont theory.

Another example...

Johnny Scroate has stolen Mr LeMans car. Mr LeMans is a bit of an arrogant self obsessed bloke (not that this makes any difference). PC Jones spots Mr LeMans car driving, and gives chase. Johnny Scroate who cant drive such a powerful car ploughs it into Mrs Miggins and her twelve cats sat on her patio infront of her house. Her and her cats all get killed/injured. The police get a slating for causing Johnny Scroate to steal the car and drive like a fool and killing/injuring Mrs Miggins and her cats.

Alter the situation a bit, same as above but PC Smith see's the car, attepts to stop it but it doesnt stop. PC Smith decides to not pursue and goes to tell Mr LeMan that he has seen his car but didnt do anything due to the dangers/human rights issues of Johnny Scroate and the risk that he might injure himself, and we couldnt possibly have that.
The police get a slating for doing bugger all.

Once again another example of the damned if we do damned if we dont theory.

Let me know if you have any other theories along these lines!