Blast From the Past

Friday, April 14, 2006

Intelligence, Wit & Humour

I am sure that during everyone's career in the police, be it regular or special, you have come across some incredibly stupid muppets. These are the people who think they are so so clever, yet dont realize that they are the thickest thing since that Chantelle lass from Big Brother!!

Firstly, we have Chavs and Chavettes. The usual bunch who hang around outside shops drinking booze and leg it when you come to talk to them! I dont particularly want to talk to them but residents and shop keepers call us to move then on. Their crime? Being young! Anyway, so we go and move them (oh and once we are there we get called back there again and again and again by various residents thinking that we are eventually going to shoot them, but no we cant do that!) When we manage to corner them, they all claim that they dont have any alcohol. At this point, one person clearly has a can of beer in their hand, one girl seems to now have a strange lump in her pocket that resembles a can, one kid has quite obviously hidden a load of cans behind a wall which has holes in it, so basically you can see them!

Now what do these youths think! Honestly??

First the can holding person . . . are we that stupid that we cant see that shiny silver thing in their hand? Apparently so!
The girl who has cans "hidden" in her pockets, yeah cos I thought it was her phone, or something else, and as for the idiot hiding them behind a wall which you can see through, now thats just daft!!

So we take the cans off them as none can prove they are over 18 and we open the cans and pour them away infront of them! Are they bothered? Well, a bit, but after all, they did try ever so hard to hide them!!

Next, we have Billy the Idiot burglar! Now, contrary to popular belief, he no longer goes for striped tops with a sack which says "swag" on it, but now opts for a more "sporting" look of Nike and Burberry. Burglars tend to break into propertys and turn a house over looking for jewelry, and many other high value items which they can flog down the local pub, and then tend to get out of the house as quick as they can.

So when I go to talk to someone, she tells us about a burglary which happened to her. Now her house is in a really bad area of town, which seems to be the crime hub of everything criminal in the town!!! She came home and found a few items taken which were of no real value, they left the tv, dvd player, computer, jewelry etc etc behind. Ok, so this seems a little tiny bit odd . . . now it gets really odd! The "burglar" entered through a back window, did their business leaving the house tidy, found some front door keys, went out the front door, locked the front door and posted the keys back through the letterbox and casually walked off!!

Quite a common one is when you find an offender at their property and they pretend not to be in when you knock! Yeah, fair enough, you might not be in, but its when only 10 minutes beforehand we were speaking to you, and have been outside your house since so there is no way you can leave, you turn your lights off, and when we knock for you again after confirming that you are 100% the offender, that you pretend you are not in!! For goodness sake, we were just talking to you and can see the lights going on and off!!! Were not idiots!! And dont act surprised when your door ends up at the wrong end of the hallway as its been knocked clean off the hinges because you wouldnt answer your door!!!

Dont you just love the intelligence of some of our customers!!


DogsBody said...

Ah yes - but just imagine how boring the job would be without them!

Anonymous said...

If you take the cans off them and open them before pouring them away you've actually stolen them. You can pour away open cans but sealed ones should be seized. It may sound churlish but don't blame me when someone who looks 10 turns out to be 18 and wants his special brew back...

ExtraSpecialCopper said...

All under 18, infact all under 16! We know most of them and a PCSO was there who knows all of them!

Back to your comment, it is amazing how some of these youngsters look far older than they are, just a shame they dont act it!

DogsBody said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DogsBody said...

Sorry, did just post a comment but re-read it once i clicked on the publish button and had to delete it cos it made no sense whatsoever! Will teach me to try and post a reply with a hangover! I'll re-reply when i've sobered up :)

ExtraSpecialCopper said...

blimey! Late night? :p

DogsBody said...

Oh yes! Late night and lots of alcohol, don't really remember that much :)

DogsBody said...

Back and sober again!
What I was trying to say the other day but couldn't seem to get out through the alcohol infested brain that I possess is that, in response to Anons comment, the law changed last year and we now have the power to open sealed cans/bottles and empty the content if Jonny Scrote is under age, now why couldn't I say that the other day :)