Having been around on PS.com for a while you see various ridiculous questions come up time and time again which make you think "why oh why" or "oh my god, these people walk the streets"
There have been various topics on how come there are no documentarys on Specials. Well, its just as well that there isnt as it will probably be terrible!
All credit goes to Basil Fawlty of PS.com in this excellent thread here whichis absolutely hilarious and is why there shouldnt be one! A sense of humour is needed! Feel free to add your own scene!
Without further delay, here it is!
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THE WORD 'SPECIALS' FADES ONTO THE SCREEN, ACCOMPANIED BY A SIREN/TECHNO SOUNDTRACK AND SET AGAINST A FLASHING BLUE LIGHT IN MIDDLE
FADE OUT TO BLACK
Narrator: "Special Constables are unpaid volunteers that serve in police forces across the UK. In this series, we follow Specials at stations in three different counties, to see what they do, how they do it, and why."
FADE IN TO CRANE SHOT OF ANYTOWN POLICE STATION, ANYTOWN.
SC Jones (o/s): "I've been a Special for about 3 weeks now, and I very much enjoy it. I've done about 5 shifts, and have got the hang of it already!"
Narrator: "SC Jones is a Special Constable with AnyCounty Police Service, based at Anytown station"
CAMERA FOLLOWS SC JONES AS HE PULLS INTO ANYTOWN POLICE STATION CAR PARK IN HIS PERSONAL CAR. HE GETS OUT, TAKES THE BLUE LIGHT STROBE FROM THE DASHBOARD AND PUTS IT IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT, ALSO TURNING OFF HIS RADIO SCANNER.
CUT TO SHOT OF SC JONES IN LOCKER ROOM, PUTTING ON EQUIPMENT IN PREPARATION FOR DUTY.
SC Jones: "We get issued the same equipment as a regular, but I like to be fully prepared for anything I may come across on duty, so I took the liberty of supplementing the issued kit with some of my own."
AS SC JONES PUT ON HIS EQUIPMENT, HE SHOWS IT TO THE CAMERA AND DETAILS IT
SC Jones: "This, for example, is my SureAsHellFire 9TP 150v 100,000 LED 9mw torch, the size of a thimble and which nestles neatly onto the spare radio clip here on my body armour. We get issued Maglites but they're not bright enough and, well, I just like torches, 'cos they're metal and make things bright. Plus you can never have too many on you!"
"We don't get any places to put our necessary documents on our uniform, so I bought this A3 document holder, which clips onto my belt. I have all the essential paperwork kept in it, and am able to compile a full file from scratch whilst out on the street. I keep it in my car when I finish duty as well, in case I pull anyone over who is committing a traffic offence."
"This is my all-in-one wonder tool - it's got all the tools of a Swiss Army Knife, plus a laser pointer and seatbelt cutter. Some of my colleagues say I really don't need it and that they've gone some 20-30 years without ever having to need one, but you never know what you might face when you turn a corner."
"I have eleven pairs of boots, depending on the terrain I'll be patrolling on. I bring two at a time to the station and leave the rest in my car. Once I have about three months in, I'm going to apply to do the Advanced Driving Course so I can work with Traffic! Until then, I'm stuck on foot."
"I've also bought this utility vest as the duty belt isn't practical for the equipment I carry. Plus it kinda makes me look like a firearms officer, which is pretty cool! Right, I think that's everything, just need to go upstairs and do a little paperwork for a job I did whilst off-duty last week."
CAMERA FOLLOWS SC JONES AS HE ENTERS A REPORT WRITING ROOM...
CUT TO SC JONES IN THE 'IT ROOM' AT A COMPUTER TERMINAL, TYPING A REPORT.
Narrator: "SC Jones is composing a file for an incident he was involved in off-duty"
SC Jones: "A few weeks back I was with my training intake on a night out, when I saw someone drop some litter on the floor, with scant regard for the negative effect it had on the environment or that it would cost the taxpayer for it to be cleaned up. I joined this job to make a difference, no matter how small, and having now got the really cool warrant card in a nice holder with a big shiny badge, this was my chance to make good in the world."
Interviewer: "So what did you do?"
SC Jones: "Well I approached the guy and said I was a police officer, that I was disgusted he would have the audacity to foul the pavement, and that if he didn't pick it up straight away he would be arrested. The guy looked at me and laughed, so I showed him the badge and said "There's the badge, there's the proof. Pick it up now or you're spending a night in the cells."
Interviewer: "Doesn't a police officer's power in the UK come from the warrant card, not the badge?"
SC Jones: "Does it? Oh. Must remember that for next time. Anyway, I told him he was under arrest and took him by the arm and led him to the side of the pavement. He looked quite bewildered, but then all criminals do. I phoned 999 and requested a van. A van turned up and two officers came out. I relayed the circs to them, very proud that I'd had my first ever arrest. They looked less than pleased. One spoke to my prisoner whilst the other took me to one side and said some nonsense about wasting tieing up vans and officer's time, disproportionality, cost of keeping the guy in a cell, prosecuting him etc. compared to the offence and suggested I should just leave it. I wasn't having this - it was MY arrest and MY prisoner, and I insisted that this violation of Her Majesty's laws should not go unchallenged. So the officer sighed, spoke to his colleague and they came back to me.
The other officer said he had the guy's details, and if I REALLY insisted on doing this then a summons would be far more appropriate. I could live with this, so the other officer dearrested the male as I had no idea how to do that as we'd not covered arresting people in training, and the officers advised me to ask my Specials Sergeant how to do a summons file. And *presses print* THERE she is! All set and ready to be sent to the CPS so that this blaggard can pay for his crimes."
Interviewer: "What's your take on off duty intervention?"
SC Jones: "At the end of the day, I swore an oath to uphold the law. I didn't swear an oath to uphold the law when I book myself on duty. Remember the old adage: A police officer is NEVER off-duty. If I see an injustice being committed, no matter where (except if I'm out of my force area or any neighbouring jurisdiction), no matter when, no matter what, then I, as a super-hero crime fighter, shall not hesitate to intervene to protect the good citizens of this city. One shouldn't let little things like risk to personal safety or not having any protective equipment or backup get in the way of doing your duty".
Interviewer: "Erm, ok. So what happens now?"
SC Jones: "I'm plopping this into the 'Admin Out' tray then finding a regular I can go on duty with
CAMERA FOLLOWS SC JONES AS HE ENTERS THE SERGEANT'S OFFICE...
To be continued! Keep up to date on the documentary by looking at the thread here
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4 comments:
You are so right my friend, so right, thankfully I grew out of it very quickly.
'Can I arrest him for throwing a chewing gum rapper on the ground when i'm off duty and in town with my girlfriend?'
You're with your beautiful (well not in all cases) girlfriend and you want to arrest a guy and spend the next three hours in the police station? Are all your dogs barking my friend?
ofcourse im sure that you reported them for summons! hahaha
Having been on PS.com in the past I'm surpised they havent banned it.
Undoubtedly the home office mods who run the site will have threatened the poster with the professional standards oxymoron for failing to tow the Lieblair line and bringing the service into disrepute.
They never seemed to figure out that I'm not that worried about my pension from the home office.
I know you think it may be a bad idea, as the previous program to air was a disaster, but why can't they make a new documentry on Specials, using a company who have already proved themselves. For example the makers of traffic cops.
For all the people who the usual replies are; "it would be a disaster" "The script would be like Basil's thread". Shame on you to be honest, at the end of the day you are holding the office of constable and you (I would imagine) conduct your dutys as professionally as possible.
So why on earth do you continue to belittle yourselfs when it comes to the idea of having your un-ordinary hobbie shown on tv, to enlighten other members of the public to your role, and also raise awareness for potiental recruits.
There are many plonkers in this world, some of which are of course also going to appear in the Police Service, but they are a minority and the majority of specials and regulars a like I'm sure are very proud to be police officers.
So forget about "SC jones" and stand up and be proud for what you are, not just shy away from showing others what the Special constabulary is all about. :pc:
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