Crystal Ball

Talk about planning ahead. Just got myself a regular's application form. Not sure whether to bother filling it now or not to be honest. It wouldnt be until at least 2008 that I started!

Human Traffic Light

Had great fun doing traffic duty for a local fireworks display

So theres a right hand turning which is out of action (ie. CLOSED) and about 3 - 5 signs stating this. Also there are loads of cones, and even a nice little diagram of the road which shows the lane closed. However . . .

MoP: 'Scuse me mate, can I go down there?
Me: No, Can you read?
MoP: huh?
Me: Do you know what roadsigns mean?
MoP: huh?
Me: *points at numerous signs*
MoP: Oh, them, yeah, I thought I could get down there though
Me: Why?
MoP: 'Cos I need to get down there ya see.
Me: Really?
MoP: Yeah mate, so can I go down there?
Me: Erm, no
MoP: Why not? This is f**king ridiculous
Me: Because the road is closed, I have just told you that
MoP: But I need to get down there
Me: Oh right, ok, drive over there and ask him (another officer)

I am sure they ended up having the same chat with them.

Its not only the fact of people above which is a pain, its people who seem to drive blind. I dont think they can see a huge tennis ball coloured Michelin Man in the middle of the road giving them hand gestures to stop (not rude hand gestures!!) So I nearly ended up being a new layer of road surface several times.

The good side is that people were quite chatty on their way to the fireworks display which is a nice change from the usual abuse. Just a shame that there are a lot of Scroatsville residents who dont appear to be able to drive. Either that or they like to try and run coppers over.

Possibly the latter.

Little Gits

Well, I assume they are little anyway due to their amateurness. I have a shared drive with several other residents, and last night there were two cars parked outside, mine and a neighbours. These "amateurs" decided to break into a car out there. They attempted to smash the lock off (and half the door) with no luck so then tried to bend the door back, which was sucessful. They then decided that there was nothing of value in the car, but decided to try and take the airbag.

Freaks.

Luckily it was not my car (obviously not worthy of stealing nor was my cd collection!).

However, rest assured for my neighbour, Scroatsville Police will almost definitly (not) catch the offenders!

1) Scenes of Crime come out. Lift some prints. Probably the owners.
2) CCTV. There is none.
3) Witnesses. None. Even if there was it was pitch back and they would no doubt be wearing hoodies and speaking in an unknown language which is comprised of the words "innit" "sorted" and "yo mofo"
4) Statment Taken. This wont yield much in the way of hunting down the offenders as the formentioned reasons.
5) If enough of these happen then the local policing team may come up with an operation to catch offenders. If they are lucky then they might catch someone, might not be the same offender, infact, in Scroatsville, probably not.

Scroatsville Police are then slated for not being able to catch the offenders. Damn why can criminals not leave fingerprints and a nice trail of evidence.

Quickie

Just a quickie to mention that I have added PC Dogberry to my sidebar!

I have also added Hobby Bobby to my side bar. Can you guess its another special!?

Edit: Have also added another link too: Totally Un PC

The Parent Test

Further to my post here, I have thought out a test for women to undertake before they are permitted to have children.

1) What would you call your child?

2) Do you have a partner/in a long term relationship?

3) Do you work/does your partner work? Please note, some types of employment are not acceptable.

4) Which do you prefer, Argos or Tiffany?

5) You have won a free holiday, where will you take it?
a) New York
b) Magaluf

6) What is your idea of "education"
a) GCSE's, A-Levels and maybe even University
b) A shag behind the co-op and the Radio Times

7) You know the local bobby's name because . . .
a) You respect him as a community figure
b) He arrested you last week yet again

8) Drugs are . . .
a) Something to stop a headache after a long day at work
b) Not enough to satisfy me anymore

9) A good night out is . . .
a) Nice meal with my darling partner
b) Not complete without a fight

The rest I shall leave to you all