Ex-Confessions of a SPC

Well

2007-05-03T13:09:00.000+01:00

A Birthday Funeral

2007-03-07T19:58:00.000Z

Well, almost been doing this for a year, but this is the last post.

PSD know about this, my supervisors know, thats enough. Im not putting collegues at risk, my force's reputation at risk etc etc, so thats it. The end. Sadly.

Thankyou all my readers, fellow bloggers, and collegues for giving me ideas and amusing tales.

Stay safe, oh, and enjoy some humble pie.

The Elderly of Today

2007-03-07T15:09:00.000Z

Have a read of this story about a 68 year old woman who was found guilty of growing cannabis. In particular, I liked what a supporter of her said which was

"I hoped the jury would find her not guilty and that the law might change."

Quite how they would find her not guilty I dont know.

I am interested in peoples views of this old woman though. Would it differ if she were 28 as opposed to 68?

Local Community

2007-03-05T16:46:00.000Z

Went into the local co-op today to get a few bits and bobs which I forgot from the weekly shop. Not only were there a couple of till persons, but a security guard who was saying how he was there full time now.

Quite sad how loads of places like this require a security guard.

On another note, why do we not get this type of stuff as reality TV. Would beat Big Brother any day!

Proud to be British

2007-03-04T09:35:00.000Z

Are you?

I Would Never - Results!

2007-03-02T06:35:00.000Z

CID	5%	6
Traffic	7%	8
Response	3%	3
Community Team	5%	6
Professional Standards	25%	27
Speed Camera Team	35%	38
Prisoner Interview Team	8%	9
At all	12%	13

110 votes total

So, Speed Camera Team was the most unpopular!? Why on earth is this??

Happy Hunting

2007-02-28T12:33:00.000Z

Now that driving whilst on the phone carries 3 points and a £60 fine, will people stop doing it? Has anyone given a ticket for this yet? If so, what has their reaction been.

These photo's were taken yesterday

Obviously it wont change some peoples attitude

Respect

2007-02-26T21:10:00.000Z

Its good to see the "youth of today" clearly listening to Tony Blair and pals with their concept of "respect"

Take the photo to the right for example.

What is it I hear you ask? It was an ambulance. Why is it in this condition? Is the garage decomissioning it? Was it involved in a crash?

No. It was parked outside a house on a 999 call. Whilst paramedics were inside the house, some "yoofs" decided to smash the windows, nick the sat nav, and smash the inside up.
Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

Dont Investigate Mispers

2007-02-25T09:45:00.000Z

Having a read on PS.com it became clear why people dislike having to attend mispers.

"TWO fuming cops had to fork out £90 after their police car was clamped as they hunted for a missing person.

One of the officers had to draw cash from his bank account to get their marked Ford Fusion released after an hour and a half.

They parked in a private car park at 10.45am on Bank Holiday Monday — and a team from Aquarius Securities fixed a yellow clamp to a front wheel.

Witness Jim Birmingham, 45, said: "I was absolutely gobsmacked. When I caught his eye, the clamper looked at me with a little smile. The police were not a happy bunch."

Barry McQuile, of Aquarius Securities, said that the car was only clamped when it became clear the police were not on business at the firm that leases the car park space in Portsmouth, Hants.

He said: "Police need to realise they’re not above the law."

But Inspector John Anderson said the clamping firm had failed to use common sense.

He added: "The officers were investigating a case of a high-risk missing person. They were only gone five minutes. An employee has been reported for obstructing police."

Well, almost a detection out of it.

Still About

2007-02-22T22:25:00.000Z

Just not had a chance to post anything lately. Apologies

UK Worst for Children?

2007-02-14T10:46:00.000Z

Apparently this fine country is the worst for failing children! How can this be I ask . . . .

Be aware its quite graphic and violent.

Searching

2007-02-14T09:35:00.000Z

Other's have done this already, but still, it does amaze me how people find this blog! The following are various words used in a search engine to find this blog:

French Prison System
Being threatened by a member of the public
Stabbing at Tesco Express
How to do Wheelspins in a car
Confessions of Fireman Sam
Kitchen Nightmares
Chav Meter
Spc Limit Tea
What Makes People Lie
Spc Saudi Arabia
Sneaky Beaky
How to get off with seat belt offence
Dont See
Speed Bumps Cause Accidents
British Prisoners Freed
Solongo
Confessions of a Superhero Documentory
Women in Prison - What Does Time Mean
Police Shed Shot Available
Can a door supervisor use aggressive force
Special f***

Very strange!

Reminder

2007-02-11T16:07:00.000Z

Just a reminder that this blog is ficticious and should be regarded as such. Normal service will resume Monday

The Bill

2007-02-08T23:13:00.000Z

Have to love "The Bill".

One of many things on it which would be great if real is when dealing with an incident!

The Bill

Get sent grade one to a 2 day old theft
Turn up on blues/legging it on foot
Talk to the owner, find out it was tens of thousands of pounds worth of goods taken, get a full perfect description with the offender caught on cctv with a full view of their face, drivers license with name and address on it too.
Leave the store after hearing this without doing any paperwork, taking statements, booking on crimes, spot the offender, chase them, and arrest them

Scroatsville

Control calls for someone to attend 2 day old theft
No reply, so straws are drawn
Officers attend in the hope of being diverted to another job
Once they arrive, the item stolen comes to a value of £2.34, the cctv is of poor quality, all you can see is a blurred person in dark clothing as the camera was facing the wrong way, the disc of the cctv cant be released until the morning manager comes in the next day, the store worker is also unable to provide a good description.
Take statement
Book on crime
Give shop crime number
Leave
Go back to the nick and complete more paperwork

The Non Tale of the Criminal Damage...

2007-02-07T01:36:00.000Z

..and the Taxi Driver.

Come across a taxi stopped in the middle of the road with two males squaring up to each other. Yep - you have probably guessed it, the taxi driver and the passenger.

The passengers issue was that he didnt want to pay to go all the way home. He was only just leaving the town centre and had been charged £4.00. It should be a £6 journey in total. I can see his problem, the taxi driver was having a go at trying to make a few more quid. Sadly for him, the passenger was sober and knew this.

A collegue spoke to this male who was a dead pleasant chap, and apparently his dad is a Chief Inspector in a neighbouring force. I got the short straw of the taxi driver!

He went on about how the male had kicked his car, and it went a little like this:

Him: He has kicked my car.......twice!
Me: Where is the damage?
Him: Here, look, look
*nothing to see at all, not even a foot mark!*
Me: I dont see anything at all *check around that area too*
Him: He did it, I want him arrested, I want him prosecuted
Me: There is no damage, I cant do any of this!
Him: You have to, you have to prosecute
Me: I cant, and I wont
Him: This is f***ing stupid
Me: Im sorry, but there is no damage or anything!
Him: You are useless, you are not doing your job properly, your a f***ing idiot, I have had enough of you lot, you are all s**t.
Me: Easy, there is no need to get worked up! There is no damage, your not injured or anything, calm down.
Him: You are useless you lot are, all a bunch of idiots, I want your number, your PC number.
Me: *I assumed he meant collar number* Ofcourse you can, its ***.
Him: I am going to complain that you are not doing your job properly.
Me: Oh right, I have said why I cant and wont do anything! I will have words with the male though
*take down his badge number and cab number*
Me: *recieves more abuse* How about I ring taxi licensing and let them know how rude, abusive, and threatening you have been towards me, how you will not listen to my explanation, and your threats to passengers??
Him: Ok ok sir, I sorry I understand, please dont please dont, I will lose my taxi.

Touché good sir!

The Liberation

2007-02-05T10:45:00.000Z

Driving through Scroatsville town centre, we saw Tim being hassled by people. Being pushed about, jumped on, and mis treated. In the van, we mounted a mission to rescue Tim from this crowd. We spend a good few minutes planning the operation, risk assessing the situation and taking on board any diversity and human rights issues which may arise. We then commenced the operation.

We got Tim away from the abusive group and gave them strong words of advice for their conduct. They looked as if we had just taken away all their fun, totally ruining their evening.

We had.

Whilst the abusive group were distracted, we grabbed Tim and struggled to get him on the van, but eventually we did.

The sgt called up control and informed them of the sitation and that we were going to take Tim away from the scene for his own protection, and promptly left the scene.

Eventually we made it to the safety of Sainsburys, where Tim the Trolley was liberated.

For those wondering, yes it was a quiet night!

I Would Never

2007-02-03T15:27:00.000Z

Another quick poll for you! Please feel free to add a comment to justify your reasoning! What would you rather do instead too!

Deal, or No Deal?

2007-02-01T12:50:00.000Z

Should I remain on a response team or should I go to a "community" team.

Being on response seems to be job to job to job and most of them seem to be domestics or shoplifters depending on the time of day!

The "community" team where I would be going is in a rough part of town (Crime Hub of Scroatsville), its easier to drive to from home, and doesnt cover anywhere near where I live. The stuff we would do is drugs raids, sneaky beaky operations etc. The team are great and we all have a great time when we crew and all are very pro-special.
Oddly there are more response drivers on this team than the response team.

What do you reckon? What woud you do?

Police on Speed

2007-01-29T11:53:00.000Z

I have already looked at taxi drivers, mobile phone users and those who dont wear seatbelts and not forgetting speed cameras!

What about all the stories we hear about how naughty the police are as we speed all the time. Sometimes without the blue lights and sirens.

Just to clear up to members of the public who may be unaware.

Section 87 Road Traffic Regulations Act 1984 exempts certain emergency vehicles from speed limits if observance would hinder the use of the vehicle for the purpose it was being used for on that occasion.

Basically, if sticking to the speed limits would hinder the emergency/incident, then the police (and other services outlined in Section 87) then they can speed.

This means that

Blue lights do not have to be used
Sirens do not have to be used
If a police car is speeding and doesnt have blue lights and sirens going, doesnt always mean that they are just speeding for the hell of it (obviously sometimes it does)
If a police car wacks its lights on overtakes you turns them off and bombs it off, they are not always late for the Kebab house run, they may be going somewhere urgently but dont want to give the fact away to who they are looking for.

Obviously, this leads to many problems.

1) The moaning member of public. This is the sort of person who goes out of their way to find a non story, and blow it out of proportion. Such stories include the caller complaining that the police car went through a red light "too fast" or just the fact that they did it, that they were not wearing a seat belt at the same time as having the person in the back of the car jumping all over the place (kicking off).
This sort of thing is something that happens quite often. This is one of the latest stories.

You might even get the odd disalusioned person saying things such as

"Speed cameras, and the way speed is being enforced, are criminalising everybody, but the police's own people are let off"

Nigel Humphries of the Association of British Drivers. Lets see what he says when his house is being burgled with him being threatened with a knife or a gun and to have the police stuck in traffic, or making at the speed limit from 20 miles away.

2) The more serious stories crop up from time to time which involve police vehicle accidents.
Apparently, according to the good old Home Office anyway, 126 people died as a result of an accident involving a police vehicle between 2000 and 2004.

Everytime a police officer gets into a car, they could be open to being charged with driving without due care and attention or even dangerous driving should something happen. Examples of this can be found here here and there are many times when a crash happens which injures or kills an officer.
Not forgetting cases such as PC Milton - these dont help in what the public think of police driving!

What should be done about it though??
How many times on an average shift do officers go to a grade one (blue light job). Many thousand times a day across the country. How many of these result in an accident?

What would happen if there was no exemption? People would critisise the police for taking too long to get somewhere, for not doing enough.

This just relates back to my good old theory of damned if we do, damned if we dont.

This Week

2007-01-28T18:25:00.000Z

Following my last few posts on Prisons, this week I shall focus on "traffic laws" and stories to do with traffic.

As for my previous theme, let me know what you think to this idea below!

Britain Britain Britain!

2007-01-26T18:15:00.000Z

Is this the only country where if your a dangerous sick (as in perverted) criminal, you dont get sent to prison yet if you "hack" a Royals phone, you get sent to prison.

Now I know which one I would rather see locked up!!

In the words of Inspector G "You couldnt make it up"

Aint it Funny

2007-01-26T13:06:00.000Z

Scroatsville has been hit quite badly over the past few months with robberies in a specific area.

Solution: An operation
Details: Have dedicated plain clothes and marked patrols in the area
Sucessful: Yes - the main offender was caught in the act and arrested.
But really, was it sucessful: No - the offender that we caught is still out and about doing robberys and keeps getting arrested.

Surely he shouldnt be out on the streets!

A solution to this??

Prison II

2007-01-23T21:03:00.000Z

My last post looked at how "bad" prisons apparently are.

This time, a look around the world - I shall let you see how nice and cushty prisoners in Britain are compared to the rest. As always, please let me know your views.

Russia

Criminals in the former Soviet state are still sent to the “gulags”

Russia has 900,000 prisoners and many are held in the 120 remote hard labour camps which date from Communist dictator Stalin’s brutal reign.

During winter temperatures can fall to -40°C. Inmates are expected to cover their own costs and often have to cut timber in bitter conditions to earn cash.

City jails are just as tough. Kresty prison in St Petersburg, where revolutionary Leon Trotsky was once held, was built for 1,000 inmates — but now holds ten times that figure.

Up to 14 people share cells measuring just over 9ft by 9ft.

Food is very basic and rationed and Russian prisoners complain of malnourishment.

The conditions have led to poor health among inmates with one in ten contracting TB.

Russia’s crime rate is 1,754 per 100,000 people. However, the country has an extremely high murder rate — four times that of America.

Greece

Greece has a prison population of around 8,841 in 25 boot camp-style jails.

In Athens’s Drapetsona detention centre, inmates — who can be detained there for up to a year — sleep on the floor, receive only basic food and little medical care.

Prisoners are expected to buy their own toothpaste and other toiletries and use crude toilet and washing facilities.

Detainees here are not allowed access to social workers or other state services. Greece’s largest jail is the Korydallos Prison Complex, which houses some 2,200 inmates.

Its claustrophobic cells measure 6½ft by 10ft and prisoners are confined to their beds while under lock and key.

Criminals on remand in Athens’s Kolonos police station jail also sleep on cell floors and are not allowed baths or hot water.

Wardens feed them just one basic meal each day.

Greek crime is 4,145 offences for every 100,000 inhabitants.

Saudi Arabia

Westerners held inside Saudi Arabia’s no-mercy penal system often complain about harsh conditions — but very few risk becoming repeat offenders.

Around 23,000 adult inmates are behind bars in 30 jails and more than half are foreign nationals.

Saudi’s largest prison al-Hair, in the capital of Riyadh, is modern and clean but offers only the most basic of “comforts”.

Jailed British expats complain of brutal conditions in al-Hair and other Saudi jails. They claim wardens regularly use axe handles and iron bars to extract confessions.

Four hundred prisoners held at Al-Jawf’s central prison recently rioted over conditions.

Inmates wanted newspapers, doors on bathrooms and recreation facilities.

Saudi has just 405 offences per 100,000 people — the lowest crime rate of the nations on this page.

Brazil

Scores of inmates leave Brazil’s tough prison system before the end of their sentences — but only in wooden boxes.

Brazil’s 512 prisons — known as presídios — are among the harshest in the world.

Sao Paulo’s Carandiru jail is Latin America’s largest jail, holding 6,500 inmates.

Prisoners live in dormitory cells laid out along long corridors. Inmates depend on relatives to provide bedding, mattresses, clothing and toiletries.

Brazil also locks up criminals inside local police jails. These often consist of a covered patio flanked by cells.

An inmate in one such jail in Minas Gerais said: “Every Friday we have a full search. Everyone is forced to strip naked and wait on the patio, often in the cold.”

Conditions at Mata Grande Penitentiary in Rondonopolis are so bad inmates regularly riot or try to escape. Thirteen were killed during one break in March 2000.

Brazil has just 927 offences per 100,000 people.

France

The French prison system is said to suffer from serious overcrowding and unhygienic conditions.

A recent report by the Paris-based International Observatory of Prisons revealed the average jail was working 25 per cent beyond its capacity.

In Mans prison for instance, 135 people share just 45 places.

The report also claimed conditions in most jails were unsanitary and the head doctor of Paris’s La Sante prison has told how mattresses were filled with lice, cells were infested with rats and inmates became so depressed they swallowed rat poison.

A report by the Council Of Europe also described French jails as “repulsively dirty”.

France has a much smaller prison population than Britain, with 61,000 inside. Its crime rate is 6,932 reported offences for every 100,000 people.

USA

The US got tough on their dangerous criminals by building “super-max” prisons.

They are used to hold the worst kinds of murderers and rapists.

One of the harshest regimes is in Ohio state penitentiary in Youngstown where prisoners spend 23 hours a day in small, sealed metal cells.

Cell lights are never turned off and lags are never allowed outside into the fresh air. They are granted just one hour of exercise a day, undertaken alone in a bare room.

Whenever an inmate leaves the cell block they have to wear a set of rigid metal handcuffs.

There are more than 50 such supermax jails for the “worst of the worst”.

The country has 1.96million prisoners and the crime rate dropped last year.

There were 4,118 crimes per 100,000 people in 2002.

Prison

2007-01-19T11:31:00.000Z

Facts about prison

Up to three-quarters of men in UK prisons suffer from two or more mental disorders.
One in four women in prison has spent time in local authority care as a child
The number of 15-17 year olds in prison has more than doubled over the last ten years
It costs over £40,000 per year to keep a person in prison
67.4% of all prisoners re-offend within two years of release
The suicide rate for men in prison is five times that of men in the community
Almost one third of suicides occur within the first week in custody, 1 in 7 within 2 days
One study found that 72% of those who committed suicide in prison had a history of mental disorder
Boys in prison aged 15-17 are eighteen times more likely to kill themselves than in the community
Almost 1 in 5 of those held on remand before trial were acquitted or not proceeded against
Recalled prisoners now make up nearly 11% of the population of local prisons
One third of all women in prison had no previous convictions
The majority of women in prison are held for non-violent offences
Nearly two thirds of women in prison have a drug problem
Over half of the women in prison have suffered domestic abuse, 1 in 3 sexual abuse
It is estimated that 150,000 children have a parent in prison
England & Wales has the highest number of life sentanced prisoners in Europe. It has more than German, France, Italy and Turkey - combined.
30% of people released from prison will have nowhere to live
Over half of all prisoners are at or below the level of an 11 year old at reading
Just under half of all male prisoners were excluded from school

Does prison work? Does it rehabilitate people? Does it solve matters? More importantly, does it reduce crime?

Is it time to actually tackle the causes of crime, the upbringing of a child & parenting.

What I Saw Today

2007-01-18T09:37:00.000Z

A driving instructor driving about on his phone. I do wonder what he would say if one of his pupils decided to do this.

Another thing I saw today . . .

Why is it perfectly legal for someone to, whilst driving, mess about in their handbag looking for their fags, find them, open the packet, stick a fag in their mouth, search around for the lighter, attempt to light the cigarette, find the lighter doesnt work so have to pay even more attention to the lighter trying to get it to work, even using their other hand.
However, its illegal to hold something to your ear and will soon carry 3 points and £60 fine.

Go figure.

(by the way, before I get jumped on, I do not think using a phone whilst driving is a good idea)

Ok Sarge

2007-01-15T02:37:00.000Z

Start duty at 1800 hours, get kitted up etc with another special. Aim of the night, (just like any other regular night ie. same shift each week) is to take out a car and respond to jobs and in the quiet hours to get a few competencies for my collegue.

Off I go to get a car and there are quite a few hanging up so instead of taking on I go and ask the sergeant if I can have one.

"Sarge, can I borrow a car this evening please, you got a few hanging up"
"What are you doing tonight?"

I then explain what I am doing, and that I do the same thing when I go out with another special.

Sgt.: "Well, I rather you didnt have a marked car"
Me: "How come if I can ask?"
Sgt: "Incase you get flagged down by someone"
Me: "Yeah and...?"
Sgt. "Incase you dont know what they want"
Me: "Riiiiight"

Off I go and get a plain car.

6 NEFPN's
2 FPN's
2 PND's
1 arrested for assault
1 arrested for drink driving
2 crimes booked on with statements taken
12 "incidents" attended

Nobody Available

2007-01-13T15:30:00.000Z

This has probably been posted already but hey!

George Phillips of Scroatsville was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no".
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said , " Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, a dog handler, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

PC Copperfield

2007-01-11T22:59:00.000Z

It appears DC has been on the news again which is brilliant! Also seems that we may be in the same/neighbouring force too.

Alas, here is the link.

BBC NEWS

Hell Hath No Fury

2007-01-08T17:26:00.000Z

..like a lesbian domestic. Not the PC word to use, but I dont really care as im not saying it in an offensive way!

Anyhow, arrive to the flat, open the door and see blood everywhere.

"Shit, whats happened" I think to myself. I find someone on the floor, and this once again makes me very worried.

Its ok though, they are cleaning up the blood. The person causing the blood is her partner, Anne. Carol was a nice lass and easy to talk to. She explained that her partner isnt all there in the head at the moment, and this has been made worse by alcohol. She then gets Anne's sister on the phone to tell me exactly the same thing.

There is glass all over the floor, so the obvious question of "how did this happen" is asked.
Anne had smashed a photo of her and Carol, and cut her hand. She didnt want to be seen by ambulance and would rather bleed to death - apparently.

I kid you not there was blood all over the floor and wallks - it looked like a scene out of Kill Bill.

No offences, but one has to go to prevent further breach of the peace. Now this is where the problems start.

Both Anne and Carol are very emotional and crying their eyes out and shouting, although this is mainly Anne. Anne is shouting how much she loves Carol and doesnt want to leave her.

Hormones!

Now Anne was quite, how can I put it, erm, Butch! She began to get very rowdy, but then was calmed down and insisted on hugging my collegue, covering her in blood.

Her mother then turned up (Anne's, not my collegues!) and my goodness, she put her in place! Well, for a while she did anyway. We went round and round in circles

Tell Anne she is going to her mums
Anne screaming to Carol that she loves her
Carol screaming that she wants her to go
Anne's mum telling Anne to shut up and get out
Get Anne to the door, then back to stage one

This happened for quite a while. Eventually after we all got covered in blood from this hand wound (still refusing to be seen by paramedics) we got her out the flat into her mums car. They drove off as we went to our car to follow. The mum had gone though.

We got halfway back to the nick and as I was updating control about the sitation, we got a further call to say that Anne had returned.
So back we go to the flat, it turns out that she had literally jumped out of her mums car halfway to her mums, and used her keys to get back into the flat.

We were all very very pissed off with the situation, so we went to arrest her and take her in (her mum didnt return) when we went through another cycle:

Tell Anne she is going to her mums
Anne screaming to Carol that she loves her
Carol screaming that she wants her to go
Get Anne to the door, then back to stage one

Right thats it. She could tell it was the final straw, luckily this cycle lasted about two minutes. Anne then left all her keys behind and went. We went after her to ensure she got to her mums, but she had vanished. Literally vanished.

We didnt get anymore calls to the address and got another unit to check all was in order later.

Worst domestic I have been to though - quite odd. No time to get the blood off us - off to some more grade ones.

Taking The Piss

2007-01-05T19:32:00.000Z

Yahoo News Story

Police said on Friday they were hunting a man who stole a urinal from a pub toilet.

The suspect walked into the Royal Oak pub in Southampton, ordered half a pint of beer and then made several visits to the men's toilet.

There he carefully removed a white urinal from the wall, stuffed it into a rucksack and was captured on closed circuit television walking out with the bulging sack on his back.

"He made a very, very expert job of dismantling it from the wall and turning the water off. A very professional job," landlord Alan Dreja said in a video posted on the Southampton Daily Echo newspaper's Web site.

A police spokesman said the thief may have been a tradesman.

"One of the theories is the guy is some sort of cut-price plumber who is going round and stealing parts to order," he said.

The Storm

2007-01-02T16:52:00.000Z

My goodness, what a night New Years was!

Firstly, the night shift had, which is a first I have ever seen, 10 double crewed cars. Not just double crewed, but response ones too! Usually lucky if we have two on a shift let alone 10! Ofcourse this isnt taking into account the late shift which were on until about 0300, and all the town centre vans which were about too. There was also all the traffic cars knocking about too.

First off, a small get together of youths at a house gone wrong. Someone turned up drunk and started to trash the place. Once he was out the house he decided to try and attack my collegue and was carted off to custody by another unit.

Next thing was someone who had gone into a house and trashed it and gone to bed. No signs of forced entry into the house except for one small window which had been broken (wasnt easy to see it had!)

I opened the window and jumped into the house so that we could open the door and let the dog in. Turned out he just wanted to sleep, how very random. Once the dog scared him and 4 traffic officers had wrestled him to the floor, he was arrested and taken back. I didnt realise the time until someone said "Happy New Year". It did feel quite odd as whilst the majority of Scroatsville were enjoying the new year, whilst we were wrestling with scroates who opted to be shits for the new year. How strange it was.

We then attended a burglary which had just occured. Some little scroates had entered someones garage and from there gone into the house through a door and taken peoples bags and car keys. This was whilst the occupents and friends were in the room next door celebrating. A car was taken with the keys and was sighted later, but no units could find it.

Once we took details and statements etc we resumed and passed a group of youths. We started to search them when one of them was a bit cocky.

Me: Do you have anything on you I should know about
Him: Yeah I have a knife (so many people say this trying to be funny)
Me: Where is it then
Him: In my pocket

I then go to his pocket expecting him to be joking about trying to look good infront of his mates and see a handle. I pull this handle out to find a huge bloody meat cleaver!! He is very quickly handcuffed and arrested. My collegue has no idea what has gone on until he sees the cleaver in my hand.

The rest of the night is spent doing paper work for all the above and other stuff we did which wasnt really worthy of mention.

For the vast majority of the night, most of it for everyone was going from job to job to job. From about 00:00 01/01/07 to 05:00 in the county there were about 150 grade one incidents deployed to. Quite busy!

New years day wasnt too bad though. The usual domestics, recovered the stolen car which was taken from the burglary I attended on New Years.

Observations were put out for someone driving dangerously, I went and did an area search for this car and found it. The driver blew 138 at the station! That was the first of the "interesting" part of this drink driver. Seized his car for no insurance too whilst I was at it! There was a lot more but sadly I cant say what on here!

The Calm Before The Storm

2006-12-30T15:44:00.000Z

Well, we expected it to be a busy busy night last night. It was not. Far from. The wind and rain probably helped that. Also, perhaps the over inflated prices for New Years Eve have caused people to save their money for then!

Was so quiet (yes, I said the q word!) that we all ended up going out and about in cars instead, even then, bugger all happened.

Did anyone else find last night quiet too??

My My

2006-12-29T19:44:00.001Z

What a busy time it has been hence lack of updates! Shall update this weekend though!

Christmas (or is that Winterval?)

2006-12-25T22:08:00.000Z

Christmas Day. First call comes in. Can we attend a burglary at Pine Tree Road. On arrival we are met by a distressed mother and 2 kids. They have had all their Christmas presents stolen as well as their new tv and other such items.

The mother had told us that she had been working all year long to pay for these presents for her kids. Through no fault of their own, someone had decided that these presents under the tree were intended for them, most probably to fund their crack habit.

Move onto the next job, a domestic. Yes its early for one. Turned out that wifey wasnt impressed that her husband hadnt got her what she wanted. Worse off, she found what she wanted hidden in a cupboard, labelled for Claire. Wifeys name was Erica. Oh dear. Not a nice christmas for wifey.

Next call was an RTC. A couple had been driving on their way to see their children and grandchildren, but a drink driver (yes its early but obviously it wasnt for some!) had gone into them trapping one occupant. Ambulance and Fire had arrived. The female was walking wounded but the male had to be cut out of the car and taken to hospital. The drink driver was arrested and taken to custody. Custody was looking no different today than any other day of the week. It was just very quiet with the odd bit of noise from one of the few we had in residence. The driver was breathalised and stuck in a cell.

We resumed.

Driving through Scroatsville was very quiet. Could smell all those delicious meals being cooked, the only thing I would be eating is that sandwich I made earlier. All those people seeing loved ones, unwrapping presents and having a good time (on the whole). No doubt there will be loads of alcohol fueled domestics in the evening.

Fortunatly for me, this post is fictional. But I have lots of respect for those officers who are on duty today and will be dealing with such incidents.

A Happy Christmas (NOT Winterval) to everyone!

Arrogant Little Shit

2006-12-22T16:10:00.000Z

One of my delightful customers (who was 44 years old) called me that - he is right though.

Got called to a pub where three blokes were being a pain and wouldnt leave. So in I go with a couple of collegues and find out whats happened, and confirm with the land lady that she wants these three removed. Two are fine about it apart from Mr (I am) Big. He wanted a full explanation why he was being asked to leave and wanted to finish his drink.

Paul (my collegue) "ok then, hurry up though"
Mr Big "yeah I am I am"

at this point his two mates who are alright, were trying to get him to hurry up. He then takes a dislike to me (apparently I gave him a "wrong look" whatever that is)

Mr Big "I dont like you, how old are you"
Me "I dont care if you dont like me, I just want you to drink that and get out"
Mr Big *wobbling on his feet a bit* "nah, I dont f***ing like you.

He then went off on one over and over again.

Once outside he continued with the "abuse" and threats. If I didnt have that headache and need for a coffee then I would have just locked him up for DnD.

Tango Whisky Alpha Tango

2006-12-21T00:34:00.000Z

This happened a while ago. Reports from a resident that soe youths were launching fireworks at his car and causing damage to it.

We attend the address where we are met by a male who is on the phone. I shit you not, what he said was for real and in no way made up!

As we approach him he says down the phone "Stand by control"

He then tells us he is on the phone to the police and then says down the phone "yes control, 418 is on scene, over" and promptly hangs up.

He then tells us what has happened. We look at the car, under the car and see no damage whatsoever. This is done whilst he is inside the house. He then comes out armed with two clear sealed bags.

"You will need these"

He then hands a videotape of the "offence being committed" (turns out its not at all, but of some people he thinks did it)

In the other bag is a firework.

"I used gloves to handle it so that no evidence will be lost"

Advice Given - No Offences

What The Public Want

2006-12-19T19:12:00.000Z

Today I visited a large town/small city and spent the majority of the day in the town centre itself.

Police Officers seen: Zero
PSCO's Seen: 5

Is this what the public really want??

Apologies (again!)

2006-12-18T15:42:00.001Z

I have been having problems signing into blogger hence the lack of posts!

Restorative Justice

2006-12-13T16:40:00.000Z

What a pile of fluffy liberal crap.

For those who are unsure of what restorative justice is,

"where victims have an opportunity to express the full impact of the crime upon their lives, to receive answers to any lingering questions about the incident, and to participate in holding the offender accountable for his or her actions. Offenders can tell their story of why the crime occurred and how it has affected their lives."

I see some problems with this.

1) The little shit that smashed my car window for example, if I were to have a "session" with him and listen to why they did it, it would more than likely look like this:

I was bored
It was a dare
I wanted the cd player
I wanted the couple of quid you might have in your ash tray
I accidently threw the brick through your window, it was meant for the old lady walking past

To be honest, I would be far to tempted to knock the little shit into next week than listen to the rubbish which is going to come out of his gob.

2) What sorts of crimes is this appropriate for? Theft? Common Assault? ABH? GBH? Murder? Who decides?

3) Who would organise it?

Not enough police officers to organise it although im sure they can take more frontline officers and stick them in offices for it
Social Services? Might take a very long time for them to sort something, if there is somebody on call and you dont get the answerphone. If not, your screwed
A new body which can be given millions of pounds to become yet another government faliure

4) Would people actually be interested in meeting their offender and "forgiving them" and all that fluffy stuff??

Ladies and gentlemen, your thoughts please

Sorry

2006-12-12T23:44:00.000Z

Apologies about the lack of updates . . . . I have lost the will to post anymore, im not sure why.

Hopefully some more posts coming soon.

Sorry all.

Scroatsville

2006-12-09T11:58:00.000Z

Observe the number of people who causually drive around the fighting and just ignore it. Can you blame them though?

TPCSO

2006-12-06T15:06:00.000Z

Traffic Police Community Support Officers?

Oh deary me. This was brought to my attention on good old ps.com (usually get my info here before most other places!)

It seems that the "C" from pCso is being removed! Where is the community in traffic?

I am sure when PCSO's were introduced they had a clear set role and that they would not have powers given to them thus creating a two tiered police service.

Personally, I think this is a bloody stupid idea. I have offered asked and begged on numerous occasions for a traffic attachment (and a dog one for that) and have been denied for "health and safety reasons", so how come PCSO's are being able to? (yes thats a bit of jelousy!)

Also, what about the following points:

What happens if a car fails to stop (hang on - why would they be stopping a car, and how??)
Do they pursue?
Can they only pursue for 30 mins?
If there is a decamp do they arrest?
Using what to handcuff?

All these issues.

As one poster has stated on ps.com, "No, no, no. This is mission creep at it's most sinister." Obviously I shall let you decide!

Something You Dont See Every Day

2006-12-06T02:44:00.000Z

Went into one of the community teams offices the other day. Being the nosey person I am, I read the stuff on the walls whilst the kettle boils.

What do I see, on the wall?

A Card. A Thank-you card - from a prolific offender who was on drugs. I hadnt heard his name for a good few months now. It said something along the lines of:

"Dear PC Williams and PC Smiggins, thank you very much for your help and support you have given me and making me turn my life around. I am so greatful and have realised that I do not want to go down that path. I have now been clean for 3 months now and have found a job too."

Its good to hear things like this - the police can do positive things after all! Just a shame that no government statistic will cover this.

Happy Birthday

2006-12-05T14:35:00.000Z

100 Posts. Hoorah!

Good chance to say thanks to all those who read my blog and those who comment.
As always, feel free to email me with suggestions/ideas for the blog.

Bye Bye Semper Fi (Again)

2006-12-04T21:50:00.000Z

Looks like PSD have finally caught up with Semper Fi!

What a shame it is, just as he had started going again.

The Weekend Rottweiler

2006-12-04T14:02:00.000Z

Friday & Saturday nights are full of lovely wonderful people. However, this week I shall focus upon the "Rottweiler".

They are female, and usually quite small and young. They look the sort who are quite quiet and tame. This ofcourse changes in the blink of an eye.

Walking along were two girls and they bumped into another girl. One of these girls decided that this was blatently out of order, and began to (attempt) to beat the shit out of the other girl. Luckily there was an officer there talking to someone who seperated them. On arrival (from down the road - was bloody hectic but thats another story!) all we could see was a girl having to be held back (like a dog on a lead) and she was shouting and swearing so much that Gordan Ramsey would be proud! She was lunging forward trying to get this girl and "kick er ed in".

Her and her sister walked off after some "gentle pursuasion" and the other girl was held back (well, she stayed really) to chat to an officer. She dissapears to get a taxi and the officer walks up the street, myself and my collegue hop back on the van hoping that we will wake up shortly as the past 45 minutes have been so sureal!

Oh but guess what, the Rottweiler has kicked off again as they had gone to the same cab rank (after we tried so hard not to let them!)

We get there to find an officer inside the cab office with the Rottweiler lashing out and getting quite violent really for such a small person. Ofcourse there were loads of spectators watching all this. Next thing, she decides to lash out at an officer inside the office and ends up being floored. Now, for a small person, she went down with a huge bang!! Officers outside the office who were not even looking heard her go down!
Next thing she has is a big bloke ontop of her back handcuffing her.
Did she burst into tears realising the error of her ways and realising that her ribs have been totally smashed (they hadnt suprisingly!) did she hell! Even more swearing and shouting! Ah well.

Stick her in the van until another van comes to take her to custody. The van arrives (which already has 3 prisoners on - talk about busy!)

If only we can film people and give them the tape in the morning.

Shots Fired

2006-12-03T02:06:00.000Z

Have a read of this story

Imagine if this system were implemented in the UK. It would come up that shots have been fired. In the US they would send someone straight away. In the UK, we use an "alternative approach" which could possibly be:

1) Shots Fired
2) Control Room made aware
3) Control Room Inspector informed
4) Relevant Commanders made aware
5) Meeting to discuss what to discuss in the meeting
6) Meeting held
7) Debate as to whether to send in local bobby's or armed bobby's
8) Decided to send armed bobby's
9) But should they be covert or overtly armed
10) Decided.
11) ARV dispatched
12) Arrive
13) ASNT - nobody there. Call came in 2 hours ago.

Perhaps if it detected domestics it would be better, with domestics being a priority and all.

The Future Of Policing?

2006-12-02T04:58:00.000Z

Liberal Fluffy Policing??

Sneaky Beaky

2006-12-01T11:57:00.000Z

Was doing a plain clothes op the other night targetting auto crime hotspots. Was very "q" until . . .

"All units, observations for a green car seen following cars and acting suspiciously in the Crapside area"

Traffic units start making in hope for a result.

We think for a few seconds that we might get a result as we are in the area

But then

Myself and my collegue call up:

"Yeah control, its us on Op Random-non-related-name"

We did tell them they may get calls about us and to advise callers!

Life Saving Device

2006-11-29T21:56:00.000Z

So police officers in Dorset have been given defibrillators to save lives. A great idea, think of all those lives that can be saved.

Will be even more usefull in the future when we will all be given Tasers and start to "zap" random people for the hell of it. Liberty will be pleased, as tasers only kill people - apparently. At least we can now bring them back to life.

Speed Bumps

2006-11-29T00:05:00.000Z

This week, the local council decided to stick a load of speed bumps on the roads in my area. What an absolute pain. The first I realised of these bumps was when some muppet in a BMW X5 came racing around the corner over a bump scaring the life out of me.

Hang on, are they not supposed to slow people down rather than turn it into a race with Colin McRae

What is even more annoying is that its not even the type of seed bump in this picture which you can just drive straight over (with wheels each side of the bump - unless you are Johnny Scroate with his lowered Saxo), they are the ones which go right across the road. Each time I go over these bumps (bless the lowness of my standard car) it rubs the bottom of the car occasionally!

Looks like Scroatsville Borough Council will be getting a nice bill!

It will make life more interesting for pursuits though - all these bumps that Johnny Scroate in his nicked car can go bombing over (as he obviously doesnt care what damage he causes) whereas I dont think the force garage will be too happy having to replace shocks etc on cars so frequently!

NYPD vs SPD

2006-11-28T09:31:00.000Z

SPD being Scroatsville Police Department, (force, or service - whichever is this months buzzword!)

Talking to a friend who has recently been to New York, they were witness to an "incident". The type of thing where some sado would whip out their phone and video the "incident" due to "police brutality" which we all know "just happens, like, all the time, like, innit"

Anyway, there were some youths.

Scroatsville: Spotty, clad in burberry and hoodies. Bottle of White Lightning
New York:Spotty, probably the same sort of clothes. Bottle of coca cola.

Some officers went to talk to them:

Scroatsville: The youths run after shouting abuse
New York: The youths look scared

The officers question the youths as to why they are not in school

Scroatsville: (assuming they didnt run/were stopped from running) "Fu*k off pig, my mum doesnt give a shit what I do, im expelled anyway so leave me along fu*king pig"
New York: "Erm, erm, erm, erm"

The officers state that they are taking the youths to school.

Scroatsville: "I fu*king told ya, I dont do school, are you fu*king thick or summats" *walks off*
New York: "oh" *get in the car*

Hmmmm, slight difference - why is this I wonder??

Blog World

2006-11-27T13:24:00.000Z

There are loads of links on my sidebar which you all probably read. I was thinking, wouldnt it be good to go out for a few shifts with some of my fellow bloggers in their areas!

PC Bloggs - Well, that would be great fun to see policing from a womans point of view. We could talk about handbags, diamonds, and shopping and perhaps do some police work! (please note, I do not know anything about handbags, diamonds or shopping!)

Semper Fi - His quick wit would be a great laugh and has a no sh*t outlook on life!

Inspector Gadget - Well, a boss who doesnt talk rubbish and likes to get stuck in? What more reasons are needed really??

Sergeant Says - Same reason as above to be honest. Oh, and because hes the sarge, we could pass the paperwork to others for their PDP!

Just a few, and to be honest I would happily spend a shift with anyone on my sidebar! (Just ran out of reasons to put so dont be offended!)

Who would you spend a shift or two with?

8% Chav

2006-11-26T22:00:00.001Z

Oh dear, I am 8% chav! Oh dear! How chav are you though??

For each "Yes" add 2.5%! (or there abouts!)

Have any friends or family members been pregnant under the age of 16?

Do you know the location of your local JD Sports store?

Do you own more trainers then normal shoes?

Have you ever bought / worn any of these labels? Hackett, Ben Sherman, Kappa, Nickelson?

Have you ever referred to your home as your 'Gaff' 'Drum' 'Yard' ?

Do you think David Beckham is a leading male style icon?

Have you ever bought Super Kings?

Do any of your friends or family own a Staffordshire Bull Terrier?

Have you ever had a fight with cab driver?

Have you ever worn hoop earrings?

Do you think Starbucks coffees are too expensive?

Have you ever thrown up in the street?

Have you ever vandalised a phone booth?

Have you ever referred to your friends as your 'crew' or your 'massive'

Do you know who Mike Skinner is?

Have you ever had a pay-as-you-go gas or electricity meter?

Have you ever lived above the fourth floor?

Do you use external Christmas decorations?

Did you think the Fast and Furious deserved an Oscar Nomination?

Have you ever visited a friend or family member in jail?

Do you know a drug dealer?

Are tinted windows cool?

Have you ever bought 'economy' brands at a supermarket?

Do you listen to Drum n Bass?

Have you ever purchased jewellery at Argos?

Have you ever been to Falaraki, Magaluf or Benidorm?

Have you ever had a full English Breakfast abroad?

Are any of your friends of family receiving benefits?

Have you ever tucked your trousers into your sock (except when riding a bike)?

Do you own a gold chain, sovereign ring or Burberry Cap?

Would you consider buying any of these cars? Vauxhal Corsa, Ford Fiesta, Impreza, Fiat Punto?

Do you ever wear a tracksuit when you have no intention of playing sport?

Have you ever been escorted from a shopping centre / pub?

Have you ever seen / been involved in a fight at a wedding?

Have you ever drank Lager before midday?

Would you consider a honeymoon in Tenerife?

Do you understand text abbreviations (ie, l8r - later, wiv - with, da - the, b4 - before)

Have you ever ordered ham, egg and chips at a restaurant?

Do you read Max Power, The Daily Star or the Sun?

Are fun fairs a regular part of your social calendar?

For those who are lazy and cant be bothered to add up, you can do the test here

Tagging

2006-11-25T10:11:00.000Z

Oh dear, I have been "tagged". No, not a nice braclet around my ankle, but some sort of blog thing.

So, in the spirit of "why not"-ness, here are 10 things I would never do:

10. Go to "Magaluf"
9. Say "Yes Superintendant, that is a good idea!"
8. Think Politics is "cool"
7. Buy an Italian car (unless its a Ferrari or Lambo!)
6. Eat hospital food
5. Become obsessed with political correctness
4. Trust a Politician
3. Believe that a shift will end on time
2. Work with my specials sergeant
1. Vote Labour

Seems to be a common theme in mine!

Blue Light Takeaway Run

2006-11-24T11:40:00.000Z

Oh dear oh dear, yet another speeding police officer.

How terrible this is that he got caught for being hungry. Obviously this information is quite clearly made up and the officer was genuinly on his way to the RTC! Quite clearly, he was on his way to pick up the food and got diverted, but then cancelled, and a disgruntled member of the public, more than likely who has just been given points for speeding himself, saw the officer about to tuck into a delicious meal and was jelous so reported him.

Perhaps PC Akrill could take these steps next time:

1) Preorder Chinese as usual
2) Choose a good route to go to the chinese, possibly in an area that other officers will not be near.
3) Call up stating that "a member of the public has just reported an accident. As you are a dedicated officer, refs can wait until you have dealt with it, and no other units are required"
4) Speed to the incident, which just happens to be near the Chinese.
5) Discover that the MoP was lying, but in your rush to get to the incident to save lives, you didnt take down their details
6) Call up stating a speed camera activation
7) Go to the Chinese to pick up food
8) Call up control stating that there was no accident
9) Take Chinese back to station and enjoy

Obviously, if Indian is your preference, then this is an adequate substitute.

[/Tongue In Cheek]

Coke Problem

2006-11-23T13:06:00.000Z

Apprently the UK has the "Worst Cocaine Problem in Europe"

Perhaps we should start to give cocaine out on the NHS too, or do people who want their next fix of cocaine not cause crime? Perhaps someone could enlighten me?

Recently we had a drugs awareness session. So here is a test for you all, which one of these is actually cocaine??

A)

B)

C)

D)

Answers on a postcard?

Oh, and just for fun, one reason why dogs shouldnt be given drugs:

Incidently, my post here has caused a few mixed feelings and a nice debate! Have a look here and here, its ok - they dont bite! (I got a nice warm welcome and am starting to learn more about their role! Definitly worth a look:) )

Return Of the Boy Bands

2006-11-22T11:44:00.000Z

First it was Take That, then it was Semper Fi..........

Well, so has Special Copper!

One problem though - I have lost all the links on my side bar so please please leave a comment with your blog address so I can re-add you to my side bar!

Edit: Ok - the links have come back all of a sudden! Damn those pesky gremlins

Semper Fi Again!

2006-11-22T00:03:00.000Z

Oh Yes! Guess who is back!

Semper Fi!

Bouncers

2006-11-21T19:51:00.000Z

Or "Door Staff" as they prefer to be called. Tough subject full of many different opinions.

Firstly, there is the subject of whether or not they should carry handcuffs. Info can be found here, here, here and here.

But do they take the law into their own hands?

I went to an incident once which was "male unconscious behind Club Boloxio"

Ah, probably had a bit too much to drink. Find the male, he is totally out of it, and covered in blood.
"Hmmmmm" I think to myself, this is not right.
The head "Door Man" comes out and tells me whats happened

"Ah, well, matey boy here was ejected by Phil, and just collapsed"

The manager is in the background keeping quiet. The door man then goes inside, and up comes the manager. I then ask where Phil is.

"Oh, hes inside, the paramedics are looking at him"

So whats happened then, really, whats happened then I ask.

"Well, Phil ejected this male and he went back to the front where he was let in again. He came in again, picked up a glass and smashed it round Phil's face"

Then what?

Well, it was pretty obvious. Phil's face is sliced open, two of his fellow bounder mates decide to eject this male via the back exit after kicking him in. They gave him a proper kicking even when the bloke was on the floor collapsed.

How do we know this?
What should over look the back but flats. Who should be looking out their windows, but several independent witnesses!

Oh dear oh dear.

Now, what if this person had been handcuffed and unable to defend themselves?

However, on the flip side I have been to one incident where someone was kicked out and was playing up, and a bouncer handcuffed him with speedcuffs. First time I had seen this happen but he "reassured us that he had taken a course to do this". Sent an e-mail to the licensing team about it anyway.

Also like to add that I know some doorstaff very well and they are very professional and make the "bad apples" not matter - and I am more than happy to deal with these ones in particular! A credit to their profession. Its not often that I come across door staff (as im not one of these sado's who just do friday/sat nights in town centre - yawn!) but came across one the other night who was superb! Even been out on a night out and he has been nice lol

So should door staff be issues with handcuffs? Almost as controversial as should PCSO's have them!

The Secret Parking Attendant

2006-11-20T19:36:00.000Z

We all remember the Secret Policeman, and more recently, Nina Hobson on Dispatchers.

All the hype, the papers going mad at all this and the abuse the police recieved, for, well, bugger all in the Dispatchers thing.

Well, what about this?

Parking attendants being blatently racist to peoples faces as well as out of the public eye.
Calling certain areas racist names (which I wont say on here)
Talking about giving tickets to people they dont like etc.
Now where is all the media hype over this?

Well?

Ah well, at least they will get a diversity course

(put off my post about door staff until later now due to my huge outrage at this lack of diversity training that the parking attendants recieved)

Sensible Policing

2006-11-20T10:07:00.000Z

Introducing a new blogger . . . .

http://sensiblepolicing.blogspot.com

Roadblock

2006-11-19T18:15:00.001Z

Further to my Human Traffic Light post, now, are these people idiots or what??

Road blocks aren't for dumb drivers

Basket Case

2006-11-18T14:52:00.000Z

Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once
I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it

Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up

(Basket Case - by Greenday)

So am I a Basket Case for doing this for free?

First off, I certainly didnt join to "give back to my community". If I was going to give back to the community I would be urinating in their garden and breaking into their cars, as this is what I have been given.

I have had poor assistance from the police before. Instead of moaning, I got convinved by a regular officer to join. Didnt have a clue what I was letting myself into.
So now, I am one extra person, one extra pair of hands in the grand place that is Scroatsville. May seem insignificant but for that person who rings us up to report gremlins in their house, at least thats one more body that might be able to deal with it.

Can you tell I ran out of ideas this week?

Interested to hear others reasons for joining

Black Sheep

2006-11-15T13:46:00.000Z

Am I allowed to say black sheep?? Im sure one of the PC Crew will correct me with this weeks appropriate phrase!

Before I joined the specials, I had no clue what it was all about. Infact, I had never even heard of a Special Constable!

Then once I commenced training, I got the usual comments from people who had little idea:

But you cant arrest people!
So is it like a citizens arrest?
Do you get a gun?
Dont the regulars look down on you?

The last point was the one which worried me, how wrong I was though.

I have only ever had one "bad" experience with a regular officer. Well, two actually.

The first was when I was crewed up with a regular officer and we were looking for some, (MoP's, believe it or not!) Burgulars! We had the copperchopper up above and we were on foot searching a field. Another regular comes up and begins barking orders at me. He then notices my collar number (showing I am a special - have to look twice as we dont have the SC & Crown etc). On seeing this he stopped talking, turned to my regular collegue, and said exactly what he had said to me, to her.
We were both shocked at this.

"Oh ignore him, he is just a dinosoar"

Never seen him since though, nor have I let it get me down!

The second one wasnt really anything major, and more aimed at me being "lazy" than anything!

I started duty at 09:00 and I was sat in the office after having just booked in a prisoner, enjoying a cup of tea waiting for another officer to bring me some store CCTV to book in. Obviously there was nothing I could do at this point other than enjoy my cuppa! Took 2 hours to book in the prisoner (shockingly poor!) which brought me to 1700 (oh the joy)

In walks the inspector:

Insp "What are you doing?"
ESP "Huh?" (I thought it was pretty obvious to be honest)
Insp "Why are you sat about doing nothing?"
ESP "I am waiting for another officer to bring CCTV to me from the town centre"
Insp "Well I dont want you sat about doing nothing"
ESP "What should I do then??
Insp "Not sit around" *she then walked off*

A regular then made the comment of "Your lucky mate, she's not your inspector, wish I had Inspector ***** too!" (Probably Inspector Gadget! My Inspector, not the one in question!!)

Perhaps she just wanted me to juggle some MG forms - Moscow Circus meets Scroatsville Police type stuff. Who Knows!

As I have said several months back, I have loads of support from regular officers, and always give my time to assist them back in any way I can.

Crime Laws Key To PM's Last Year

2006-11-15T13:40:00.000Z

The PM is at it again!

Shame we have heard this same thing for the past 9 years

Cheap Labour??

2006-11-14T23:18:00.000Z

Recently having done a duty, I got a bit hungry on the way home so went into a local chippy. Armed with my £1.62, I wondered what I could get!

"How much for pitta bread and chips my good man?"
"£1.80"

I then look up at the menu.
"How much for pitta bread and small chips?"
"yes sir, thats small chips"

Ah right. So I look up again to which it says

PITTA BREAD - 30p
SMALL CHIPS - £1.20

"How is it £1.80 if small chips is £1.20 and pitta bread is 30p??"

"Oh sir, thats if you want the chips in the pitta bread"

You what?? I am paying you an extra 30p to stick some chips in a bit of bread?
Thats extortionate! Perhaps I used the same place as Another Constable??

Takes the piss.

Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

2006-11-13T21:02:00.000Z

For those locked up in one of Scroatsville's Cells, they get a bed, and more important, a meal cooked by our gormet chef.

Breakfast

Full English - Rice Crispies or Corn Flakes With Milk
Continental - Rice Crispies or Corn Flakes Without Milk

*A sprinkle of sugar available for those with an exotic taste*

Lunch

Cold Buffet: Rice Crispies or Corn Flakes with or without Milk
Hot Selection: A variety of coloured slops flavoured to represent cuisine from around the world

How Inconsiderate!

2006-11-11T15:31:00.000Z

The youths of today are so inconsiderate. Stolen car, 4 up, had been giving us the runaround all night. Seeing as myself and a collegue were the nights proactive unit (plain IRV with all the lights and gizmo's). Traffic were hovering around the area as were some tutor constables and their probationers, and another plain clothes unit (myself and my collegue being plain clothes too) as was a doggie man.

After numerous sightings the adrenaline is going as we prepare for a possible pursuit, and ofcourse, a decamp. How gutted we all were when the inconsiderate little gits decide that they dont want a pursuit, so they drive the car into a field, and set fire to it. Out everyone gets and does an area search for them.

Apparently (bless them) the probationers hadnt a clue what to do, and before they knew it, two "chavs" came running up from the field, and nearly got pounced on and sprayed!
"Its us, dont spray!!!" It was the other plain clothes unit! So they nearly got a faceful of pava, just like one of the little gits did.
Ofcourse, they had done nothing wrong and we had "sprayed them for doin fuk all innit ya fukin nob'eads" which was followed by "i aint dun nuffink rong - you best have nicked the ova's"
Oops - a slight admission of some sort of guilt there!

Sadly, it wasnt a huge incident, which in many respects is good, but since it was the end of the shift and nothing had really happened was kind of a let down from the cat and mouse game earlier in the night trying to find them!

Outcome: several arrests, one suspect sprayed, one plain clothes officer nearly pounced on, one doggie on the loose with officers staying well out of its way as it was hungry, and a couple of probationers who looked absolutely lost!

On the bright side, I enjoyed a lovely doner kebab and no paperwork

Music To Police To

2006-11-09T16:05:00.000Z

I have added to my sidebar a nice little thing, a bit like a radio, where you can listen to tunes! The ones selected (took absolutely ages as there was a minimum of 35 or something daft!) all have some relation to policing!

Any further suggestions let me know! Just press play and your away! Enjoy!

Being The Boss

2006-11-08T18:08:00.000Z

What would you do if you were the Chief for the day? (There we go PC Bloggs, put a photo of a female Chief rather than a male one as they are more understanding of peoples needs than a male one due to all that testosterone!)

Anyway, what would I do? (Stole the idea for this blog from PS.com)

I would be very tempted to change the uniform. There is nothing worse than having to run after some scroate with a shirt and tie on not to mention the other numerous kit.

Would also have stabvests which have a zip down the middle rather than having to put it over your head - it tends to ruin peoples hair - apparently.
One thing for sure would be have more cars available so officers dont have to hang around for ages waiting for the shift before to return with cars!

I cant speak for regular officers for a lot of stuff, so will do this from a specials point of view.

1) Offer a bounty to specials doing a certain amount of hours
2) Invest more in the training of specials - after all, once attested, they will (hopefully) work a hell of a lot of hours - for free!
3) Give specials more PSU training - this means that instead of having to piss off regular officers to come in on rest days to do it, can get specials who will drop everything to do it!
4) Training is ongoing. This includes doing paperwork and putting together files - even if they are basic files. This means that regular officers wont be pestered into completing specials paperwork whilst they bugger off home ontime

There are many other things I would want to do - sadly I cant think of any more!

Please do add your own!

Hug A Hoodie

2006-11-07T17:09:00.000Z

Or at least show some love!

I was on my way to the gym today, so had my hoodie on, t shirt underneath and my tracksuit bottoms on. Needless to say, I looked a proper chav.
Thought whilst on my way, I will stop off to do a quick bit of shopping as I will be too lazy to later.

In I go. The bloke giving out baskets looked at me as if I was going to nut him one, and I had to help myself to a basket.

I go up an aisle which is a little busy, and ask an old lady if I could get past please. Her reaction? She flinched and ran a mile!

When I got to the checkout the person infront of me decided to hold onto her bag tightly whilst keeping her eyes on me.

So people, next time you flinch, or feel threatened, do think about David Cameron and his "hoodie hugging" and "hoodie loving"

Crystal Ball

2006-11-06T13:27:00.000Z

Talk about planning ahead. Just got myself a regular's application form. Not sure whether to bother filling it now or not to be honest. It wouldnt be until at least 2008 that I started!

Human Traffic Light

2006-11-05T22:52:00.000Z

Had great fun doing traffic duty for a local fireworks display

So theres a right hand turning which is out of action (ie. CLOSED) and about 3 - 5 signs stating this. Also there are loads of cones, and even a nice little diagram of the road which shows the lane closed. However . . .

MoP: 'Scuse me mate, can I go down there?
Me: No, Can you read?
MoP: huh?
Me: Do you know what roadsigns mean?
MoP: huh?
Me: *points at numerous signs*
MoP: Oh, them, yeah, I thought I could get down there though
Me: Why?
MoP: 'Cos I need to get down there ya see.
Me: Really?
MoP: Yeah mate, so can I go down there?
Me: Erm, no
MoP: Why not? This is f**king ridiculous
Me: Because the road is closed, I have just told you that
MoP: But I need to get down there
Me: Oh right, ok, drive over there and ask him (another officer)

I am sure they ended up having the same chat with them.

Its not only the fact of people above which is a pain, its people who seem to drive blind. I dont think they can see a huge tennis ball coloured Michelin Man in the middle of the road giving them hand gestures to stop (not rude hand gestures!!) So I nearly ended up being a new layer of road surface several times.

The good side is that people were quite chatty on their way to the fireworks display which is a nice change from the usual abuse. Just a shame that there are a lot of Scroatsville residents who dont appear to be able to drive. Either that or they like to try and run coppers over.

Possibly the latter.

Little Gits

2006-11-03T10:10:00.000Z

Well, I assume they are little anyway due to their amateurness. I have a shared drive with several other residents, and last night there were two cars parked outside, mine and a neighbours. These "amateurs" decided to break into a car out there. They attempted to smash the lock off (and half the door) with no luck so then tried to bend the door back, which was sucessful. They then decided that there was nothing of value in the car, but decided to try and take the airbag.

Freaks.

Luckily it was not my car (obviously not worthy of stealing nor was my cd collection!).

However, rest assured for my neighbour, Scroatsville Police will almost definitly (not) catch the offenders!

1) Scenes of Crime come out. Lift some prints. Probably the owners.
2) CCTV. There is none.
3) Witnesses. None. Even if there was it was pitch back and they would no doubt be wearing hoodies and speaking in an unknown language which is comprised of the words "innit" "sorted" and "yo mofo"
4) Statment Taken. This wont yield much in the way of hunting down the offenders as the formentioned reasons.
5) If enough of these happen then the local policing team may come up with an operation to catch offenders. If they are lucky then they might catch someone, might not be the same offender, infact, in Scroatsville, probably not.

Scroatsville Police are then slated for not being able to catch the offenders. Damn why can criminals not leave fingerprints and a nice trail of evidence.

Quickie

2006-11-02T09:03:00.000Z

Just a quickie to mention that I have added PC Dogberry to my sidebar!

I have also added Hobby Bobby to my side bar. Can you guess its another special!?

Edit: Have also added another link too: Totally Un PC

The Parent Test

2006-11-01T15:22:00.000Z

Further to my post here, I have thought out a test for women to undertake before they are permitted to have children.

1) What would you call your child?

2) Do you have a partner/in a long term relationship?

3) Do you work/does your partner work? Please note, some types of employment are not acceptable.

4) Which do you prefer, Argos or Tiffany?

5) You have won a free holiday, where will you take it?
a) New York
b) Magaluf

6) What is your idea of "education"
a) GCSE's, A-Levels and maybe even University
b) A shag behind the co-op and the Radio Times

7) You know the local bobby's name because . . .
a) You respect him as a community figure
b) He arrested you last week yet again

8) Drugs are . . .
a) Something to stop a headache after a long day at work
b) Not enough to satisfy me anymore

9) A good night out is . . .
a) Nice meal with my darling partner
b) Not complete without a fight

The rest I shall leave to you all

PSCO's

2006-10-30T18:56:00.000Z

After a recent TV Show featuring PCSO's, several bloggers have commented on the show.

Disgruntled Cop

PC South West

I have already commented on the subject so will not repeat it, however, found this blog as a result!

PCSO Blog

Will have to keep an eye on this one - should be quite an interesting read!

Hoorah For the Met

2006-10-29T08:16:00.000Z

One from the other night:

"Any unit available, we have had a call from an off duty Met officer. He has handcuffed himself to his partner and is unable to uncuff himself as he has lost his handcuff key, any officer available?"

Oh how we laughed. All I hope is that some officer took a camera to the job and this photo is now working its way around the met email system!

On another note, I have now added PC South West's blog to my side bar

For The Very First Time

2006-10-25T16:31:00.000+01:00

Since Part Time Polis Man has told us about their first shift, I thought I would do the same (probably because I cant think of anything to write about today!)

Anyway, I got all my kit into a big bag and got went to the police station. I had very little clue as to where I was to go when I arrived there. My duty had already been arranged with my "section officer"

I already had my airwave terminal with me as I was issued it at training a few weeks before, so had been listening to it at home picking up all the jargon and generally being a bit of a geek really!
All I needed to be issued with was my pava. I was taken to the store locker for the pava where I took out a cannister, weighed it, and signed it out to myself writing down the cannister number and weight into my pocket note book, which I also just got.
Once I had all this done, I stuck my stabbie on and all my other kit, got my tit hat out, and felt an absolute fool. It felt very very strange.

Anyway, off we go and head into the town centre on this busy Saturday afternoon. In all honesty, I was sh*tting myself!

What if people asked me things? I dont have a clue. So many thoughts going through my head!

We didnt go to any jobs, just plodded around town getting me to do a few PNC checks to get my radio confidence up, which went with no problems.

Was only a brief 4 hour shift, nothing bad happened, I still had all my limbs, my head was still attached, the only difference is that I was eager to get back out again. All those nervous feelings had gone.

Whatever happened to that worried, quiet me all that time ago??

Im interested to hear about your first shifts!

Cancel The Last

2006-10-24T21:16:00.001+01:00

Sorted myself a new title thing! What do you think?

Help Needed

2006-10-24T17:08:00.000+01:00

If anyone could help me it would be appreciated very much!
I want to make my own title picture for this blog (instead of green road thing) but dont have a clue how to change it. Any help would be fantastic!

Thanks

Anti-Social

2006-10-22T21:38:00.000+01:00

Have a look at this blog here. Its one disgruntled residents fight and moans about anti-social behaviour. Some of this sounds all too familier with Scroatsville. Bits I agree with the author, other bits I disagree - none the less very interesting to read and maybe even perhaps attitude changing!

Have had a hectic weekend which I shall write about soon

The Town Centre

2006-10-21T16:25:00.000+01:00

Due to the need of some to go into town to get absolutely pissed means that we need officers in the town centre so that we can offer our assistance in pointing out where clubs/bars are, and also to help all those people who are "wanting to join the police" with their questions, and also to give people free lifts home.

In Scroatsville, we have a "no shit" policy. Obviously this is not an official policy (for the term no shit if far to short, and if it were a real policy, the name would be some what different, and totally unrelated to what it is about!)

Each officer goes out armed with a pad full of £80 PND's hoping to return back to the station in the knowledge that, well, there will be some regrets in the morning by happy customers!

The two favourites for PND's are:

1) Section 5 Public Order
2) Drunk and Disorderly

I personally prefer number 2 as it means that no crimes have to be booked on, however it does have a downside in that its not a detection (as far as I am aware!)
But on the bright side it takes a couple of minutes on the street to give one, thus meaning more time to give plenty more out in the hope it will deter other idiots who ay be witness to this.

Drunks seem to lose all common sense. One bloke came up to myself, and three other officers and wanted to shake out hands. We didnt. He got told nicely to go away as he was drunk and making a fool of himself. This wasnt good enough. He carried on being a fool and not listening and taking an issue with the skipper. He then went on to insult one of the officers mothers. Enough is enough. Start to write out a D&D ticket for him but no, he doesnt want this as he "knows his rights". Fair enough - your nicked. After him being humiliated waiting at the side of the road in handcuffs for all to see whilst a van made its way through the see of drunk idiots. We got him back to custody and begin to book him in. He now decides he wants to sue us all for "APH" whatever that is. Yes mate, ok, have a nice sleep, I will come see you later when I get time!
I did go back early hours of the morning, gave him his PND and kicked him out. Oh, and he still wanted to sue everyone for "everything we have got!"

Prime example of drink causing him to be a fool. He could have walked away with nothing - but no! He then could have walked away with an £80 PND - but no! So he got locked up for 5 hours whilst he sobered up, and an £80 fine. Yes your mrs will kill you when you get home!

Friday and Saturday nights differ from every other night in the week, for on these nights, people are totally "innocent". Since its the end of the week, we like to catch up on our missed detections so arrest anyone for anything in the hope that they are too drunk to realise. However, they are far to clever for this tactic so when we arrest them for "doin nuffink rong" they plead their innocence. "I didnt mean to smash that bottle on the wall and glass him 6 times accidently on purpose". If Scroatsville got a pound for each time someone stated that they were innocent, they wouldnt have to worry about their finances!

Another town centre idiotic thing to do is run from the police. Everywhere in the centre is on cctv, there are loads of police about, why run. Apparently they like to though, and last night, straight into me on two seperate incidents. Bit silly of them! One only ran because he thought we wanted to arrest him for doing nothing wrong. Fair enough, if you want to end up on the floor with 4 coppers sat on you fair enough. The other had just assaulted someone so that was a good catch.

Another Friday/Saturday night thing is that people always seem to come up to the van and want to talk utter shite. Either want to chat you up, or ask why your not out catching rapists and murderers, or even worse, realise that they have no prospect of pulling so desperatly try to entice you as they pop out of their top with kebab sauce dripping down their face. Apparently this look is very sexy.
Dont you just love the town centre!
What other Friday/Saturday night stuff happens where you police?

For The Criminals . . .

2006-10-20T19:34:00.000+01:00

Thinking of attacking the police? Think again

Another Special

2006-10-19T23:07:00.000+01:00

Ladies and gents, cops and robbers,

May I introduce a new Special's blog

Part Time Police Man

Please do take the time to investigate and see what you think!

Am doing a shift tomorrow night in . . . . . the "town centre" so hopefully be some fights, pava, and no arrests! Although I shall ofcourse try to get a few sanctioned detections using the brilliant tool that is a PND!

Want to be a Doggie Man??

2006-10-18T13:28:00.000+01:00

Police Dogs Muzzled

2006-10-17T09:51:00.000+01:00

Hoorah!! Whilst reading things online this story struck me. Its about time Policy Makers had some common sense and put such a policy in place. After all, we dont want forces to have to pay out hundreds of thousands to innocent people who just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and dont hear the numerous warnings of dogs barking and who fail to think what might happen if the dog is released.

Seriously, what planet do these people live on? Its like spraying people with water instead of pava, incase it burns their eyes causing them to spontaniously combust on exposure.

Surely the point of a police dog is another level in the conflict resolution model. Whereas people may not be to concerned with getting sprayed, or even hit with a baton, they dont particularly want a dog pouncing on them. Surely by putting a muzzle on the dog its, well, giving the criminals something less to fear.

Sadly, I am not a dog handler so cant say when they would be released onto a suspect, but I strongly suspect its not used for ordinary law abiding people, and more for people who are/will be violent etc. So where is the problem? If the person being bitten has done wrong, then tough, you cant sue. Perhaps you shouldnt have been doing what you were doing to gain such response from a police dog.

Yet another example of people in their 9-5 job making up policies for highly trained frontline officers who undertake extensive training for the unique role.

What are your opinions of this be it in support of this (as you are a criminal and have been bitten) or against it, as you have common sense?

(dont forget the post below which I only posted a few hours ago! Oh you lucky people getting two blogs in a space of a few hours!)

End of the Shift

2006-10-17T04:32:00.000+01:00

0400 hours on way back to the office after 10 hour shift. Nearly there when coming towards you stopped on a roundabout is a car. There is no other traffic and no reason why this car would be stopped.

Pull a U-Turn and decide to pull the vehicle over for a moving traffic offense.
Matey Boy (Alfie) gets out his car and realises he has a flat tyre.

Ahhh so this might be why he has stopped. Mysef and my collegue then give him a hand to get the stuff out of his car to change the tyre as he doesnt seem to know what he is doing. Still something quite not right. Inside the car smelt a bit, but I blamed the friend of Alfie who was totally pissed, and looked unshowered! Still something not right.

I then requested Alfie to provide a breath test and asked him if he had had anything to drink
He replied no (whilst attempting to change the wheel, yet not having a clue!)

Me: Blow in this
Alfie: No
Me: Blow in this, faliure to do so is an offence for which I will arrest you for
Alfie: But I dont want to blow, I have had a drink so will be over the limit
Me: You might not though, so just blow, what have you got to lose?
Alfie: But I am over the limit though
Me: Fair enough, your nicked

*apply cuffs*

So we stuck him in our car when he decides to kick off. Nice.
Van called, the sergeant gets out, grabs Alfie and chucks him into the cage with a smile on his face. I can only assume it was the smile of "not long until I can go home!!"

Since his mate is stranded out of town we offer to take him to the nick where he can get a bus. He seemed pleasant about this so we take him.
Out the back of the nick he decides once he is out the car he wants to see his mate. He then trys to get back into the car but is shown the way to the bus station and we go in the back gate of the nick.

In custody the fool decides that he doesnt want to blow on the machine (he is very likely to be under the limit now) and after the sergeant and a PC try to convince him, he still refuses.

Fine, whatever. He is then charged with failure to provide and we take him back to his car to pick up some possessions from it (we keep the keys and hand them into front office for him to pick up in morning)

Now its daylight we manage to piece together what has actually happened. His alloy wheel is totally smashed, and airbags in the sides of his car have gone off. There is also a huge dent in the kerb before the roundabout.

Thank god it wasnt a car he went into!!

Anyway, got court date coming soon, obviously he doesnt seem to think he is guilty of failing to provide . . . . how that one works I dont know!!

Two Tier Policing?

2006-10-15T19:36:00.000+01:00

The topic of PCSO's is a controversial topic with many good reasons and many bad ones in regards their introduction. There is currently a huge drive to recruit PCSO's in many forces: The Met, Lancashire, BTP, and well, even Scroatsville Police Force! So much emphasis is on recruitment at the moment for PCSO's that in Scroatsville, specials intakes have been put on hold, and regulars intakes have been cut down to only a few a year, and even then not that many on each one.

Is this the answer to crime? Is this the governments solution to problems - by putting "officers" (note: not police officers) onto the streets.

One news story even says that PCSO's are not effective! However it does go on to say that residents of communitys feel safer by their presence. Well, at least that is something then!
(Granted, having a few is a good idea, I know a couple who do a great job, but also know some who are useless!)
So, what can PCSO's do?

PCSOs do not have powers of arrest, cannot interview or process prisoners, cannot investigate crime and do not carry out the more complex and high-risk tasks that police officers perform.

PCSOs spend much of their time on foot patrol, and are a visible, anti-crime presence in communities throughout England and Wales. Because they are so visible, members of the public feel comfortable approaching them with questions or worries about anti-social behaviour or crime.

In Scroatsville, they get paid up to £22,000 per year.

The latest government craze is "neighbourhood policing" and in Scroatsville, we are also adopting these (well, we have to!)

Each team consists of 1 Sergeant, 2/3 PC's, 4/6 Specials, and about 4/6 PCSO's. (Lots of debate about specials joining these teams in Scroatsville at the moment - but will save that for another time!)

So, here it is, my masterplan to avoid a two tier police system which many believes will happen.

1) Get rid of PCSO's
2) Use that money to get regular police officers
Ah, but what about the community based aspect?? I hear you cry!!

Simple solution, which is absolutely brilliant!

Have dedicated "Community Beat Officers". Several per area and they are dedicated to that area! Brilliant idea!

Oh hang on, we have this now.

Care Kids

2006-10-14T18:34:00.000+01:00

Touchy topic this one. Firstly, not all kids who are in care are bad, however, I will be talking about the bad apples here.

In Scroatsville, there is a childrens home which when its name comes up on air, you can hear the groans of officers as you instantly know the job is going to be a heap of shit. Nine times out of ten its to take details of a missing person. Now, when you think of the words missing child, it is often met with worry and anguish from concerned parents. However, in this situation it is met with people who run these homes sighing as they have to report the person missing for the 8th time this month.

This means that the police have to turn up and take misper details of this person yet again. You start to know the names of the regulars at this place. So once you have gone through numerous forms (nicely put into one booklet now for ease!)
Once all these have been done you have to go to the mispers room to do a search.
1) to see if they are hiding there (we know that they are not and know that they will be at a friends/parents like they always do)
2) to look for "clues" as to where they will be. No we dont use a magnifying glass. Well, I dont.

After getting abuse from the other kids, we put observations out for them and go look for them, and usually find them and give them a free lift home, thus wasting hours of police time.

Great.

This has already been discussed on various other blogs. I recently went to a foster home (not the same as before but a private house this time) and the language that the kids were using as was the foster mother was awful!! Yes I hear this all the time, but surely (dont laugh now. . . .) someone with responsibility should not be encouraging this behave like this!

Now I realise I am talking crap as this sort of thinking does not occur in Scroatsville. Its the norm for bad parenting/youths being disrespectful. Perhaps whats needed is some sort of test in order to procreate.
What would you put on such a test to determine whether or not someone should be a parent?? Results will be posted soon

Police Cuts

2006-10-11T14:38:00.000+01:00

It seems that Northamptonshire Police and Leicestershire Police are both having to "cut" the numbers of police officers to save up to £6 million each!
The reasons we are given for this is that the government has not given the police forces, errr, services, enough money.

This leads me to think of a few things.

1) Force Mergers - how much money did the Government cause police forces to waste on these failed mergers? Surely (no, make that definitly!) this money could have been used for the shortfall in police funding!

2) PCSOs - Why is it that forces are recruiting a small army of PCSO's. Fair enough, the government is giving more money to forces for doing this, but a line needs to be drawn between their usefullness and overkill (rant to come soon!). Surely if we recruited half the amount of PCSO's then some of the police funding shortfall could be paid for? No??

As Tesco say - every litte helps!

Doh!

2006-10-08T22:54:00.000+01:00

Firstly my apologies. I upgraded to Blogger Beta and it seems to have done a few things such as problems leaving comments and links. If you do experience a problem please leave a comment/email me then I can rectify it!

Thanks for bearing with me! I will update very shortly with a fun exciting . . . . sorry, fell asleep!

Excerpts from the Cynical Side

2006-10-05T22:49:00.000+01:00

I have discovered a new cop blog!

Its called Excerpts from the Cynical Side and with any luck will fill in the gaps of all the blogs which seem to be dissapearing lately!

Also apologies for the change of template etc! I am trying a few things out! Let me know how you feel about the changes though!

Badge Flashers

2006-09-28T22:30:00.000+01:00

I attended a public order incident a while back in town one night with a load of other officers. It was not clear what had gone on but there had been some sort of fight. Whilst talking to someone I got interupted by some young lad who insisted he spoke to me. I asked him politely to wait one second. He then said "no, I need to talk now" and produced his Metropolitan Police warrant card. Why??

I asked him what his point was by showing me it. He went on to demand that something be done. We had no complainants, and no witnesses it seemed. However, this wasnt good enough for this officer. He wanted people arrested as it was his mate who got hit. He didnt see it happen though but demanded people got arrested.

"We cant do that sir"
"Why not? You should, you have to"
A very experienced regular officer twice this lads age got wound up by his attitude. "We are not going to do that unless someone makes a complaint and identifys an offender"

Matey boy from the met started to then slag off my police force stating "Your idiots, your doing it all wrong, you should be doing it like......................."

I dont know what happened with him as I got fed up with his attitude and there were far more pressing issues at hand.

I was discussing with someone what would they do if they had pulled over a driver for an offence such as no seatbelt or talking on phone, and if the driver "flashed their badge" to get away with it.
Does seem an interesting issue. I am not sure what I would do but hell, I would never dream of doing such a thing - but have heard storys of officers (regular officers) doing this. I reckon if a special were to do this then the officer they do this to would more than likely report them!

So - there are a few types of badge flashers. Those who seek to impose their "authority" upon others (such as Mr Met) and those who think its a get away with a fine clause.

Has anyone come across any of these and what did you/they do about it?

The Mayor

2006-09-27T11:53:00.000+01:00

I recently ran into the Mayor of Scroatsville! No, not the real one, but some chav girl with gold that Mr T would be proud of! She was about 17 years old, two kids in tow in a popular high street clothing shop.

One of the kids wasnt walking enough so what happened?

Normal Person: "come on William, we are going to get you some nice clothes!"

Lady Chav: "For fuck sake Gary, get a fucking move on, I got to get myself some clothes for later you inconsiderate little shit"

This approach from Lady Chav causes the kid to start crying. For the sake of this, we will talk about what happens if both Lady Chav, and normal persons kids are crying.

Normal Person: "Oh dont cry William, we will be going home soon once we have got your clothes" *kid stops crying*

Lady Chav: "For fuck sake your pissing me off now *smacks child* oh stop bloody crying *forces child to sit up very harshly* fine then you little shit, cry, you wont get a Mc Donalds now" *kid carries on crying even more*

Two totally different approaches. This 17/18 year old girl clearly has no concept of being a mother (sadly we can not tell people that).
Sometimes we wonder why kids thesedays are little shits who dont care about anything - with mothers like this its no suprise really is it.

What makes it even more sad is the fact that there are decent people in this country whoc try for babys and dont have sucess/sadly lose them, yet there are people like "Lady Chav" who drop them every 9 months.

You Idiot

2006-09-26T13:20:00.000+01:00

"Your under arrest for being an idiot"

Not something you hear everyday!
So its just before shift changeover and there is a problem at a local pub. There are people inside who are very drunk and refusing to leave. All free officers from lates and all the night officers turn up just incase something happens. Luckily we have a mans best friend also on the scene - a very very angry (and hungry!) looking dog!

The dog works wonders, makes people leave. Job done!
Or is it?

One bloke deciding to be the brave "I know my rights" type (also drunk) decides to come back across the road and challenge some boring crap which nobody gave a shit about. He got asked nicely to leave by "Rob" (not real name obviously!). He got in mine and Robs face, so I push him back and he is still going on. At this point Rob has had just about enough of him so grabs him and throws him against the van (as he is becoming a bit violent). Myself and Fiona (not real name again!) hold the idiot against the van whilst Rob sprays him.

Fiona gets some of the spray on her and whines about it for the rest of the night, even more so when I take the piss as she got some more in her eyes from her hands several more times during the night!!

The idiot is then grounded to the floor and several officers bundle on him to put the cuffs on him.

Very serious moment this is as he is kicking off a bit, when all of a sudden, Rob kneels down and says "Right mate, your under arrest for being an idiot". This causes most of the officers to laugh and lightens the moment. The idiot is then tossed in the back of the van after putting up some resistance. Bye bye matey boy!

Apparently, according to Rob, being an Idiot now comes under the public order act whch is fantastic. Should be used much much more, that way, we are far more likely to get sanctioned detections as most of the population of Scroatsville are idiots!

(Just like to add that the offender was properly arrested for an actual offence and cautioned!)

Uh Oh!

2006-09-24T09:37:00.000+01:00

Yet another police blog is under scrutiny from PSD. How many blogs have dissapeared since I started a few months back?? I get the feeling that I could be one of the next ones. Why is it Brunstrom (The Chief of North Wales) is allowed a blog on the internet, yet everyone else is not? I do wonder if I came out as saying I was from this force whether PSD would shut down my blog or not based on the grounds that my boss does?

One for you to all ponder

Scroatsville vs Greatsville

2006-09-21T22:16:00.000+01:00

Any town will have a nice part, and a shit part. My town is 99% shit! (ok, its not really that bad!)

5 Things that tell you your in Scroatsville:

The Smell - The Most obvious one- there is a distinct smell in the air. Maybe its just from the local takeaway shop? Maybe its the locals who dont know what a shower is?

The Houses - They are in a poor state, usually (Thanks Midlands PC for the suggestion!) a sofa, or fridge in the front garden leaning up against their old Ford Escort, if they have a driveway, which is rare, its usually a jungle of weeds which David Attenborough could film a documentory on.

The Locals - They all seem to wear baseball caps and have big ears. They have odd names such as "Big D" or "Snoop Cat" or other such strange names. They also have a limited vocabulary.

Your Collegue - You have one. Its not often your double crewed (the bosses like to have single crewed cars so it looks like there are more officers about!) However, in Scroatsville, you dont go in on your own!

and lastly

The Brick - This is an object which usually ends up through one of your car windows, usually the side one as it requires minimal effort. Occasionally you may even get your tyres slashed.

5 Things that tell you your in Greatsville:

The Smell - There isnt one. If there is, its pleasant. Its an outdoors smell! A Nice smell!

The Houses - They are immaculate. No G reg old Ford outside here! If there is, its usually the cleaners! Usually Range Rover, BMW X5s etc that sort of vehicle is parked on the driveway, that is before its put into its garage for the night!

The Locals - They smile at you, but on the same note are also curious as to your presence. What has happened? Someone must have been hurt, or being harrassed. Criminals dont live here so its not going to be a raid or anything! Ofcourse, many of the locals are away during the day doing something called "work", a concept not accepted in Scroatesville!

Your Collegue - Your collegue has come to "back you up" at the intruder alarm for no other reason to have a nose at peoples houses and inside as they "check for intruders" (Who else has been in this situation then!!)

Jelousy - You get jelous and think to yourself "when will I get to live here"

What George and Tony....

2006-09-20T18:33:00.000+01:00

....Dont want you to see!

Never realised they got on quite so well!

Theme Weeks
	Yes! Great Idea!
	Nah, its rubbish
	Themes? I didnt notice
	Bovverrrred?

I would Never Work....
	CID
	Traffic
	Response
	Community Team
	Professional Standards
	Speed Camera Team
	Prisoner Interview Team
	At all